Bully stepbrother

22. Home alone

"How are you feeling now?" Asher asked through the telephone receiver.

It had been hours since Caden left the house; he had refused to talk or even look at me. I know what I did was wrong, and I understand that some might agree with Caden and assume I took advantage of him.

I have no excuse for my actions. I know I took advantage of the circumstance, and I wish I could take it all back. But the knowledge that I might do it again if given another opportunity fills me with self-hatred.

I don't know what has changed in me, but I am fully aware that Caden hasn't changed a bit. If anything, he has worsened. Yet, my opinion of him seems to be shifting, as is the way I used to feel for him.

"I'm feeling average," I replied quietly.

"You will be okay. Are you sure you don't want me to come over?"

I've been on the phone with Asher for hours, telling him everything that happened yesterday, but I deliberately left out what occurred when I returned home to my drunk brother. That was unacceptable, and I'm confident even Asher would agree.

"I'm sure. I don't want Caden to target you. He's trying to get to me, and having you around would make it easier for him."

"He's always getting to you," Asher pointed out.

"I know, but still." I bit my lip and squeezed my legs tightly, remembering the sensations from last night.

"I understand." Asher didn't press further, being the understanding gentleman he is. It reminded me of the opportunity he had given me, and I practically whined as embarrassment washed over me. "I feel bad I couldn't go to work today."

"It's okay. I'll call Reagan and let her know you're not feeling well."

Wow, this is truly embarrassing. I haven't even started, yet I'm already telling lies at my new job. "I feel bad already. I don't want your uncle to think I'm not serious about the position he gave me. I swear I want to work, even just to escape this dreadful home."

"You shouldn't worry too much. My uncle will understand."

"I hope so."

"You need to rest." I wish I could, but I doubt I can, especially with my phone back at the fraternity house. I wish I never had to go back there.

"I hate my life," I grumbled.

"Don't stress too much. It'll be fine."

"I so badly hope so." More than anything. I desperately hope it will. Especially with Caden, I hope we can go back to when he used to be a bully because the new version of him I've seen this morning is the kind that makes me feel weak and fragile. I can't even muster a defense.

"I should let you rest then. Promise me you'll let yourself do that?" Asher asked.

"I'll try."

"That's not a promise."

"But it's a hopeful intention." A smile tugged at my lips.

"Quite convincing."

"Later, Asher."

"Later." He replied before I hung up the call.

I lay on my back on the unused bed, hands over my face, blocking out everything until all I saw was darkness.

God knows I tried to sleep, even tried to push back the fact that my life came to a screeching halt in a single day. But the fact that I lost my virginity to Caden wouldn't let me calm down.

The fact that Caleb cheated on me was nothing compared to what happened between Caden and me. What frightens me more than it should is the lack of regret for losing my virginity to my bullying stepbrother, and how much I enjoyed every second we shared last night.