Bully stepbrother

58. Blocked

CADEN

I had been acquainted with tension, but I had never let myself feel fear of losing someone since after that painful feeling when mom walked away when I was little.

You see, I lost Cara because I had to follow after a ball we were playing with. I lost Mom just because I couldn't convince her I was doing okay under the bathtub when she drowned me.

Now I am not losing that last person I have left.

So when Mad walked away from me on that rainy night, fear was launched. And it began to invade me.

Mad had never been the one to leave home. That was me these days. So since she disappeared on Thanksgiving, I didn't find peace anymore.

The first night, I refused to believe she'd stay away from me... Away from home, but then it happened. She didn't return that night.

On Friday, I sat in fear around the messed-up apartment with empty bottles and plastic cups lying around the floor, waiting for her to walk through the door, but it never happened. I began to panic.

I was alone this time, and I started to understand how it felt when I stayed away all those days, leaving her in this sad space that could turn a psycho deranged.

I searched through the dirty house for my mobile phone that I had been away from for a whole day, and when I found it, I didn't waste any second; I kept dialing Mad's phone number, but there was nothing.

I thought she left me.

Of course, she would. I had treated her inadequately for years. Mad deserves happiness, and God knows I wanted to give her that every time I looked into her eyes full of hope for us.

But there's always that part of me that reminds me of who I am and how Mad and I can never be together. That part stings harder than anything. Because it was active and always there, providing vivid colors of the painful memories of those I lost and how I will never get them back. It threatened to take away those memories from my nightmares if I take a chance of letting Mad in.

I do not want to be like dad, I don't want to be that one who forgets about his twin sister and his mother. I can't just throw away their memories like they never gave me life. Like they never existed around me.

It was hard because they were my only happiness. And with Mad, she was even more. But around her, Mom and Cara fade quickly.

Through that anxiety, I cleared the house on Saturday while I kept trying to reach Mad, but every time it goes to her voicemail.

I had hurt her really bad, I had done something I never thought I'd do to any woman.

And what I feared was that broken gaze she threw before she turned away.

On Sunday, I lost all patience and drove around town looking for her.

Afraid, I even called some hospitals and stopped at the police station.

I became terrified; I couldn't do anything. I couldn't eat, shower, and sleep.

There was nothing from her.

She was really serious about leaving this time.

That evening, I promised to God 'I will never take Mad for granted' if he brings her back to me.

That same night, Paxton visited along with his girl who shares the same name as my stepsister. And I almost lost it.

But somehow, the universe decided to prove to me that people named Madison would always be smart and kind, for this Madison told me to wait until the weekday, and I could go check at my stepsister's workplace.