Bully stepbrother

25. Absent

CADEN

It's Monday morning, and I've risen early, as usual, mainly to avoid any chance of encountering the girl I've been avoiding for the past couple of days.

After slipping into a clean blue tee shirt and matching it with the joggers I wore to bed, I hear footsteps approaching Mad's door.

I decide to grab some coffee on campus; right now, I can't bring myself to face her.

I rush down the stairwell instead of waiting for the elevator, fumbling for my car key in my pocket before sliding into the safety of my vehicle.

As I prepare to drive, a relieved sigh escapes me.

Yesterday, in my efforts to avoid Mad, I ended up missing a video call with Dad and Martha.

Not that I'm a significant presence during those calls anyway. Most of the time, I sit and listen to Dad and Martha praise their favorite child. They rarely engage me in conversation unless I interject, at which point Dad redirects his attention to me, threatening to cut me off and disown me, boasting about how he managed when he had nothing.

It brings to mind the job interview I had a few weeks ago, shortly after Dad appeared on TV, proclaiming his intention to cut me off because of Mad. Yeah, right. It's not like I've harmed her or anything. I think he exaggerates to impress his new wife.

What he doesn't know is that I'm here to protect his daughter. I know it sounds foolish, but I followed Mad here and gave up my aviation school admission because the last time I was separated from my sister, she ended up dead on the street.

If it could happen to a ten-year-old, I can't fathom what might befall a beautiful young woman living on her own.

I've consistently picked on Mad, though it's not as harmful as it may seem. I just needed to make her believe that my actions stemmed from something other than genuine concern for her well-being. In truth, I care for her; I've been following her around for four years. Despite the turmoil Mad's presence has caused in my family, I still consider her my stepsister and my responsibility.

Even now, as I act like an asshole towards her, I don't intend to inflict harm or use hurtful words. After all, she gave me her virginity. Treating her poorly is the last thing I should be doing. But I've found that acting like a jerk to Mad is the only way to shield myself from whatever repercussions may come, given that I know she can't be okay with what happened between us. I'm well aware that she probably despises me more than anyone else after that night.

This is why I've always maintained a barrier between us, why I've been consistently rude, tossing disrespectful remarks her way. It's been a way to deceive both her and myself. I've hated her.

Don't misunderstand me-I still believe I hate her, even though I find it hard to locate that emotion within me. It's complicated; I'm complicated.

Ever since she walked into my home, I've realized I needed saving. My emotions have become a maelstrom, preventing me from settling on a single feeling. Before Cara's death, my desires were clear, but now everything has changed; I lost everything. What I want no longer seems to matter.

It's not that I'm content with what transpired between us, either. I understand that Mad and I should never have crossed that line, though I can't say I regret what happened that night. Nonetheless, there are restrictions to what we can be. She's my sister, my stepsister, and it's all so complicated.

I should be protecting her, not taking from her, but that's exactly what I did. I committed the unforgivable.

This brings me back to the factors that led to this outcome.