Bully stepbrother

23. Skipped

CADEN

For over an hour, my phone had been vibrating from the center console of my car - the car I keep a tight grip on its wheel. I don't have to look down to know of the whiteness of my knuckles, but fuck if I care.

I left the house because it felt like a hole and even right now, far away from the blazing hell that is my home, I think I still have asphyxia.

How messed up can everything get? Just the same day I learn about Daisy's, Mad decided to happen.

I fucked up a shitload, I fucking defect myself for the first time. I've officially done something I could never be proud of.

Despite all the things my dad had called crap of which I had to drag through the years, there was none that I've ever had to feel this botched up.

Drunk or shit, I have no right to take Mad's virginity. She would never forgive me for all of this.

I cannot forgive myself the fact that I can't control the strange swelling feeling that I wanted to turn the car every so often while driving through Palo Alto just so I could check on her.

Has she eaten? Is she crying? How hard did my words wound her? Is she breaking my stuff? I will totally understand if she does that, but what I can't bear to undergo is her hurting herself over what I did to her.

Fuck, why did I have to screw myself this way? Never in my life did I ever want to take the opportunity from Mad; for years I've avoided that. We might have shared some moments, but I told myself it was all to intimidate her and keep dragging on our little war. I made myself believe it was all to provoke her, logically.

For she had made it unmistakably clear how much she despises me, how she would find someone great in the future and have a great life somewhere good without me around.

There might be some noticeable exotic tension with her every time we're close. Hell, she might even give me chills to the extent I sometimes had to find some fuck buddy to get her lips off my head, which I don't understand, given I hate her below Esteban's degrees.

I mean Mad is a distinct pretty girl, her beauty is impossible to miss, is easy to bring most men to their knees. And if I am being honest, I sometimes happen to be poisoned with the charm of hers, but she was off-limits for me. She was a restricted parcel I shouldn't have a desire for. Dad had made it clear the day Mad and Martha moved in with us; he had warned me to stay away, to take my eyes off from my sister.

"I have got the maid to do some transformations with the room across yours," Martha said. "Maddie finds repose in a white bedroom. She should feel at home here," Dad had told me.

The room across mine was Cara's, my twin sister who was killed by some reckless driver four years ago. She was the favorite child, which I will admit I never envied because she was also my favorite and my other half. How dare he give out her room where her belongings are meant to occupy like some piece of old clothes? Dead or alive, she should have her space in this house. Cara had always loved her home, her room the most. She'd always hang there reading books on some rising writers' platform. She believes in people even when they don't believe in themselves. She shouldn't be forgotten this easily. Not by her own father.

It's a shame.

"Maddie will be your sister," he had added. My sister my foot. How great she's already gotten a nickname just as Cara, who he had betrayed.

"Madison cannot replace Cara, but destiny had made her my daughter and your sister. Therefore, she shall not be treated like other girls outside this house. Your relationship shall be genuine just like every brother and sister and nothing more. Madison is a good girl. You shouldn't change her for whatever of your behavior. I do not want to go through any troubles with her mother. Did you hear me correctly?" He had sternly asked. That cool dad he once was had been absent in those eyes that now were blazing with fierce and rigorous warnings.