Bully stepbrother

47. Nail scissor

MADISON

Do you know that feeling when everything is lost, and there's no hope for a miracle or savior to rescue you from your fear?

I felt that throughout the ride as we headed for Palo Alto. My body was ineffective; I was completely despaired, just staring out the window to ignore the fact that Caden was beside me, and I wanted nothing but to be in his arms, just like how today started.

Back at the river, he had frozen and refused to look at me or say anything.

He had only worn his clothes back and climbed into his vehicle, waiting for me to get dressed.

I stood in shock for some moments, hearing or feeling nothing but the bleeding from my heart, and tears falling down my cheeks.

When I finally got the strength to put my clothes back on and get into the passenger's side, Caden never said anything. But I waited, expecting him to say something, no matter how dumb it would sound. I just wanted my nice Caden back, not the cold one next to me. But he only pulled out of the forest and took the highway.

At least I know what he fears. It worries me too, for I know darn well Mom and Dad wouldn't want such information; so foreign, so unpleasant after sending their two children to college to study psychology.

But there are some things we have no control over, and it includes emotional feelings. I never wanted to feel this way for Caden out of all people. He was that person I used to disgust, the person I feared, hated, and wanted a life without.

Yet, today he was the only person I wanted to myself so bad it hurts. And believe me, I hated myself for not being able to get past whatever feeling it is. But obviously, we don't have control over that.

"Hey?" He finally spoke from the driver's side, his voice remaining soft and cautious, but we weren't touching, laughing. It broke my heart.

I mumbled a hum and refused to look at him.

"Are you thirsty? We haven't had any liquids since after that giant hot dog," he signified.

I know what he is doing, but it wasn't enough; I wanted him. And he knows. I mean, I made that clear several times today.

But, of course, I'm always so foolish as to weigh my chances before going for it. We both know Caden isn't the committed kind of person, but still, my mind and brain are clinging to him.

I nodded a yes and inhaled a deep breath.

The warmth of his drilling gaze was sensitive. I felt it, I perceived it.

It took everything in me to swallow the bile in my throat and blink away the tears.

I was sufficiently conscious, but I was getting attached to what I know was impossible to get. I knew how disastrous addiction is, but I was pathetically addicted to what was capable of causing harm to me and my family.

We stopped to refill gas and get some water or whatever Caden had in mind. But for me, I was only going to have water. I had no appetite for anything else that wasn't my bed.

When we parked, Caden gave me a fifty-dollar note to get us some beverages while he refilled the gas.

I sluggishly walked into the shop and first went to the restroom, where I spent almost ten minutes composing myself.

He isn't that special; he is just like everyone else. Get past it. He is not worth it. My subconscious mind tells me.

I might believe her, but that part of me that was too clenched to my stepbrother was alive and was telling me he was the only special one for me.