Bully stepbrother

36. Stolen

CADEN

The issue was that those memories weren't just dreams; they were thoughts I deliberately immersed myself in while awake, became last night marked the second time in eight years that I slept peacefully, following a period of excruciating nights.

The vivid, lifelike images left me feeling anxious and confused. It was as though I was reliving those moments from my past, particularly when I was ten years old and helpless in a full bathtub.

I compelled myself to remember these memories as part of a daily ritual, knowing that similar experiences would haunt my dreams and disrupt my peace. It had become embarrassing to sleep next to anyone, fearing I might shit myself in my sleep. Hence, I opted for the solitude and safety of my own room, where no one would know how fucked up I am.

However, last night and the first time Mad and I shared the couch, were both different. With her holding me, the painful memories didn't resurface. As I lie here awake, I'm grappling with a dilemma beside the source of my turmoil.

Why does this only happen with her? What made her so different? Could she be intentionally causing my delirium, perhaps to make a point by manipulating my emotions?

Is she leading me down a path, only to emotionally devastate me when I'm completely ruined and unable to stop it? Could that be why she so readily gave up her virginity when I was intoxicated? Does she intentionally toy with my emotions whenever she's near, gradually becoming an addiction, unlike any of the women I've encountered before? Because despite having been with others, none have ever stirred desire in me like she does.

Despite tailing her since her return from work yesterday, we haven't had a chance to discuss the reality of our situation. She has consumed my thoughts from every angle, I can't understand how she's so persuasive even in my head. She had managed to breach the boundaries of our familial relationship, disregarding our sibling status, and pushing me toward actions we shouldn't engage in.

Who is she? What makes her exceptional to my mind? How can she control me like that?

I find myself in a cluttered abyss where doing the right thing seems insignificant, and embracing the wrong path feels like a bottomless pit I can't escape. Yet, somehow, I continue to follow.

While I'm grateful that we haven't addressed our intentions from yesterday, I realize solving this complexity would be a challenge. Right now, I have an exit strategy in mind, although I'm aware it's wrong and might hurt her.

I'm infuriated that she's taking an important part of me. This shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't forget those memories. My emotions should be solely focused on seeking revenge.

I shifted my head to the left and noticed Madison staring at me for an extended period. She was snuggled against my arm, sleeping peacefully, her even breaths filling the room. Her full hair nearly concealed the pillow beneath her.

I've misled her by making her doubt her self-worth, a falsehood I would continue to utter whenever I looked at her. She was the most beautiful young woman I knew, and her refusal to rely on makeup only enhanced her natural beauty.

Unbeknownst to her, her natural beauty outshone those who tried to conceal their imperfections with makeup. I felt a growing attachment, and I wished I could switch off these emotions as easily as I had believed.

As I watched her sleep, I observed her lips pressed tightly into a thin line, and her eyes blinked intermittently. Startled, I shifted my gaze to the white ceiling.

I sensed her movement as the bed shifted, and her voice, soft and soothing, beckoned my attention: "Hey? Good morning? You woke up early."

Suppressing the urge to look at her, I focused instead on thoughts of the deep bathtub water and memories of my mother and Cara, avoiding anything related to Madison. I desperately wished for something, anything other than thoughts of her to occupy my mind.