Air Go FF

An Unfair Farewell

I stubbornly put on my makeup that I know will end up drooling down the sides of my face after tonight. I can't leave him. I can't let him go. Even before I liked him, in the first few years of knowing him, he is such a huge part of my life. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to say goodbye. Or even if I can say goodbye.
"Goodbye" such a simple two syllable word. Meaning a pleasant farewell. And this would not be pleasant. Let us dissect the word "farewell" I will not fare well. I will not fare at all. I will die in the spot I stand, heart shriveling like a grape in the sun. I will crumble away, sinking to the depths of my shadow as it too shrinks away. My soul will be whisked away by the wind, caressed by the other spirits whirled around. They will carry me on. Because I no longer can.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I bring a plate of cookies, the old recipe that Nanna Cesena taught me when I was at their house once. James says that I make them better. Each one is decorated with the false accessory of an icing smile. The direct opposite of what I feel like plastering on my face. I wanna plaster Jennifer Beave's entire face so she will suffocate! Don't get too violent now, Katie.
I'm wearing a nice floral dress with matching salmon flats. I French braided my hair and finished with light lipstick.
*knock knock
The door opens and a vibrant faced man and woman stand at the door with a beaming boy behind them.
"Hello Kelly. Hello Jeremy."
"Hello-" they talk on the porch and James grabs my hand and leads me away.
"You look beautiful."
"You look..." I stare at his jeans and hoodie. "Just as you always do."
"Well, nothing important is happening. So why get dressed up."
"Something important is happening." I'm leaving. Ugh I can't bring myself to say it.
"What?"
"I'm-"
"'I'm' what?" He questions with a grin.
"I'm l-" I give up. "I'm loving the whole regular boy get up."
"Thanks! And I'm digging the whole fancy girl get up." "And I'm digging it because you're my flawless diamond, Hun." He kisses my nose and walks off to his room.
I look down at my phone.
"HOLY SHIZZLES!"
"What? Are you ok?"
"My bae just died!!!!" I crumple up on his bed, probably wrinkling my 60 dollar dress.
"Don't worry! I'm fine." He winks.
"No! Some tv show character, you wouldn't understand!" I yell.
"Excuse me, missy. But I happen to know a lot about you. Who is it? SpongeBob?"
"No."
"Stiles?"
"I don't even watch Teen Wolf."
"Mattie?"
"Don't watch Awkward either."
"Ezra?"
"Eww no. PLL takes too long to reveal who A is, so I lost interest 3 seasons ago."
"Well fine! Who is it?"
"Jesus! He tweeted that he is leaving the show!!!!!"
"Oh it's ok..." He awkwardly pats me on the back.
"No it's not!" In an unexpected fit of rage, I throw his pillow at the door.
"Alright. Uhmmm. Chill." "Halt? Cease? Stop."
I see him pull out his phone an dial a number. "Hello, Chase. There is this really mad girl in close proximity. How do I limit the casualties to a firm 0?"
I hear a stern, "you can't" and he hangs up. I can't help but chuckle at that.
"Jake T. Austin is my life!"
"Well at least he didn't die in real life."
"I guess." I straighten up and hug him.
"That's the spirit! Jake isn't dead! Yay..."
He seems pretty awkward and creeped out right now.
We stare at each other and start laughing really hard. After a good 2 minutes of laughing at each others' laughs and us accidentally snorting, we forgot what we were laughing about and made our way downstairs. But the burning pain of leaving still claws at the back of my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Here, KK." He winks and pulls a chair out for me at the table. He and his family rarely eat at the table. Only special occasions.
This occasion isn't the type of special that it usually is. This is the last time I eat at this table. This is the last time I stay in this house. I think about our sleepovers and our picnics. Oh shit, our picnics. Another tidal wave of emotion surges through me and I bite my lip. As I look down at my food, it is blurry and I feel tears gathering in my eyes, weighing each other down until they spill over the edge like an over-filled cup. I look up. I will not cry.
FLASHBACK:
"Give it back!" "KK!"
"No! Only when you say Justin Bieber is awesome." I demand, sitting in a tree with one of James's treasured guitar picks.
"I'm not saying that."
"I will break it." I threaten.
"JUSTIN BIEBER IS AWESOME!" He spills out and I crawl down the tree, I feel my foot slip and the branch snap and I tumble down into someone's arms.
"James are you ok?"
"Is Pearly ok?" I look down at his now chipped white, shiny pick and shake my head.
"WHYYYYY!" He wails and clutches "Pearly".
"We must bury her." And all the neighborhood kids who bothered to come stood in a messy circle and watched as pearly was lowered into the soft soil by the tree. I brought him a lily from a garden at a nearby house. I hoped they wouldn't mind me picking their flowers. James placed it next to the freshly placed dirt and patted "Pearly's" final resting place.
"Well aren't you going to eat?" James snaps me out of the past and hands me a napkin. I nod my head solemnly and lay it across my lap. The Cesena parents give me a sympathetic look. They must know. I slowly stab a baked potato cube and bring it up to my mouth, eating in silence. Everyone quiet except James who is looking around.
"Who died?" He jokes as he looks at our long faces.
My life. I refrain from causing confusion and more tears to leak out of me.
"Nobody." I state and start on my lasagna.
"But what's up with everybody?" He asks.
"Just drop it." My mom instructs curtly as she loses control of her words. Frightened, he sheepishly holds my hand under the table and I squeeze it tightly. I'm going to miss his warm hands that cover mine, his sweet shelter.
~~~~~~~~~~
He leads me away from the table into his room. His room, the smell is so comforting. It's all I've ever known. His bed with the blue comforter and his dark wooden desk, cluttered with overdue assignments.
His guitar sitting in its stand, waiting to be strummed by him and jammed on in the dense summer nights on the roof. I love climbing out onto the roof with him and looking at the sky, stars or no stars. It is still great to be there in the peaceful darkness with the one that I truly love. Did I say love? Yes I did. Yes I did.
"James." I turn to him.
"Katie."
"I need to tell you something."
"Yes?"
"Jennifer Beave..." I can't say it. Not into his chocolate brown eyes with his frown anticipating bad news.
"She said that I can't be with you."
"To hell with why she says, I won't let that affect me, or you, or us." His hand gestures are making me dizzy. Then they stop and rest on my shoulders.
"Don't worry about her." He was wrong, I had to worry about her...
"Ok. Thank you." I kiss him on the cheek.
"Let's go out on the roof." He winks and takes my hand.
After struggling to get up here in my dress without flashing the entire neighborhood, I sit up on the shingles with the one and only boy for me.
"James Ryan Cesena."
"Katie Dorothy Petz."
"I'm in love with you."
"I love you too."
"I know that I've been dying to say it to you for so long, but I have to tell you now."
"I know. I've liked you since I've met you. But recently, I just need to hold you and need to see you. I really want to kiss you whenever you look at me."
It kills me inside that he needs to see me.
"If I don't see you Katie, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe explode or break something or..."
"I don't know what I'll do when I don't see you either..."
"When? It's if, Katie. It will always be if."
"No. James the real reason why everyone was so upset today is because I'm leaving tomorrow. Jennifer Beave used her father's power to expel me. Now I have to move away. And I won't see you for at least a while. And I don't know if I can handle being without you."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I only learned of this a few hours ago. I didn't want to believe it and I didn't want to tell you."
He grips my hands tightly.
"Please don't make this harder than it already is."
"Why is everything so cruel. Giving me one thing. One beautiful thing to care about. Then ripping her away just as she starts to realize how beautiful we would be together."
I hold back my tears.
I lead him back into the room and down the stairs with a heartbroken expression on my face. I hold his face in my hands. And press my lips to his. I open my eyes and a tear has found its way down his face.
"I'm-" I stutter between sobs. "I'm sorry."
And as I walk down the stairs and run out of his house to mine to lock myself in the bathroom to lose myself in my tears and smeared mascara, I can't help thinking about one thing.
"He let me be sorry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ONE HELL OF A CHAPTER AM I RIGHT? I STARTED CRYING😭😭
PLEASE JAMES DONT MAKE THIS HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS! BEST QUOTE! HOLY SHIZZLES IM ABOUT TO DIE. HOPE YOU LIKED OR HATED THIS CHAPTER.....
#don'tkillme
💀💀💀💀👧🏼💔👦🏽💀💀💀💀