Distance - Tom Kaulitz

Words I Wanted To Say.

14th of June 2000

To Maeve.

What's the point of moving to Germany for five years, only to get up and leave? Didn't your parents know how happy you were here?

Mum says I can't be getting upset over it, that your dad was here for work and couldn't control how long you stayed. But why couldn't you stay? I hate that you left. It's just me and Bill now. The other kids at our school make fun of Bill and I, you being here would make it better. I know you would.

Mum was asking if I wanted to go on a walk with her, but there was no point. I went on those walks to collect flowers for you, from the town garden. You weren't here so there was no reason to anymore.

Why didn't you try harder to persuade your parents to stay? I'm sure they would have agreed since you're their only child. Didn't you want to stay? Bill says you did, but wouldn't you of tried harder if you did? If I was supposed to move away from my best friend, I would never give up until I was allowed to stay. Bill says I'm overreacting, he doesn't get it. I was closer to you then he was. I'm sadder then he is, I definitely miss you more. I hate the new neighbours. They have a baby that screams so loud, you can hear it from inside their house to ours. They have two kids our age aswell. They're rude and stuck up. You would hate them too. Maybe if you were here, we would annoy them together.
Lisa hugged me today, but it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I kept thinking about what you would say if you were there. You would've definitely laughed the loudest when she spilled her drink on herself. I miss your laugh.

Do you miss me? You said you had another best friend in Ireland, but you won't forget me right? I hope I see you again. Bill believes we will. He says it'll be unexpected. I think he's just trying to cheer me up. He says I've been really grumpy since you left. (He's just being dramatic!)

I think I have a crush on you. I'm glad you're finding this out through a letter and not in real life, because you would laugh in my face. You would say I'm being silly, but I'm being honest. I seriously think I have a crush on you, Maeve, and I don't know what to do about it. Please tell me what to do when you respond to this letter. I'm always thinking about you, and it sucks because it makes me miss you more. Maybe talking to a girl will make me crush on them instead? This is so confusing. I hate it.

Do you have a crush on me too? Mum says sometimes people date whilst there is distance between them. Maybe we could do the same? Only if you want to of course!

Please respond to this letter immediately.
I miss you (more than Bill does!!)

-Tom.

Tom smiled as he read over the words written by his younger self. He folded the letter in his hands, he was aware of his eyes beginning to tear up. He remembered himself writing this letter. How he locked himself in his room, trying to figure out how to get everything he wanted to say on one page.

"TOM! HURRY UP!"

Tom wiped his tears away with his hand, trying to hide the evidence of him crying. It was no use as his eyes were red and puffy. He sniffled as he tried to regain his composuser.

His brother and bandmates were getting impatient. They needed to leave soon, Tom was the only one not ready. He knew he needed to see this letter one last time, it was his only hope if he wanted to move on.

Standing from the bed, Tom placed the folded piece of paper back inside the box, which was already filled with his old junk. Closing the lid he pushed it back under the bed in his childhood room. He had told his mother that anything he wanted to keep, he had already packed. The box containing the letter would be dumped. Tom felt it was for the best. He had to move on.

Moving off the bed, Tom walked to the bedroom door. Before he left fully, he took one last look of his old room in his childhood home. It was the last time he would see it. Soon, it would become someone else's room.

His eyes looked out the bedroom window, the neighbours house was in full view.

Tom felt a stab in his stomach as he remembered the girl who used to live in that house. He closed his eyes, clearing those thoughts from his mind. Taking his final glance around the room, Tom walked out shutting the door behind him.

He met Bill at the bottom of the stairs. Everyone else was outside. Bill noticed his twins sad face, understanding immediately.
He wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

"Come on." Bill spoke quietly as he lead Tom to the front door. Tom kept quiet as he followed.
"We have a whole new chapter ahead of us."

The twins left Germany for America, where they would permanently live in LA whilst continuing to make music together with the band.

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