Bad Dreams // m.g.c

Chapter 17 - Tests

Days have passed. I've been distant with the boys, I don't want them to keep getting hit. Something, because of me, just always happens. And I hate it.

I always think day after day, hour after hour, why would they want this mess of a girl, why do they even like me? I'm just another one of those girls who have personal problems.

That day that Austin visited the dressing room and I practically broke everything in sight, Ashton and Luke came back with someone, assuming a doctor or something, who checked me out. She sent me to a hospital to try and comprehend what had happened. She asked if I had any past problems with depression, or anything emotional and/or mental wise. I told her I actually didn't know. I was never evaluated or checked for any before.

So the nurse lady gave me a questionnaire with about 50 questions on it about my mental and emotional health. Like if I ever feel sad or useless, is it: everyday, often, or rarely and so and so forth. It asks about self harm, ever had the urge to commit, stop eating or purge, how often do you experience anger and whatnot. There was so much more, but I honestly don't want to talk about it all.

But after a self evaluation as well, she came back and asked me questions similar to the two things I just took. She told me that she'll email me any test results or diagnostics she receives back within the next 48 hours.

So that's how my day went that afternoon. But now it's 2 days after.

"Helllooooooooooo Haveeeeeen!" Ashton came running over to me. "Hi..? Why are you so excited?" I asked him. "No reason. I feel like I haven't seen you in awhile."
"Yeah, what gives?" I hear a voice yell. But then Luke walks in. Calum comes in and hits him on the head. "Um, well. I just don't, never mind. It's not worth it. I'm going go up to my room now okay?" I started towards the elevator as they reminded me to start getting more stuff together because we were leaving in tomorrow to go to the UK for the 12th-14th.

I got up to my room and just laid on the bed. I didn't know what to do. I still haven't gotten back any results yet, which made me nervous. But I just packed up my stuff so I was ready tomorrow. 6:52 pm, what am I supposed to do for the rest of the night?

--

I flipped over my phone; 9:46 pm. Oh, I must've gotten a 2.5 hour nap, okay then. I checked all my notifications, and there was one that made my heart sink; an email from the hospital.

With shaky hands, I tapped on the email.

Haven Delaney Curtis,
My apologies for I have just received back results from the June 7th self evaluation, questionnaire, and diagnosis. The test has came back as a positive, meaning that the main health care system that has reviewed your test and that you have been diagnosed with chronic depression, generic anxiety, and we have also collected and found that you may be suicidal. But please, ever you ever need help with anything of any sort, please contact a doctor, or if you have reoccurring suicidal thoughts, please call the suicide hotline (1-800-suicide).
Best regards, and with respect,
Doctor Anne Smith

I can't believe this. I would've never thought. I didn't think that this would be the result. I paced back and forth, crying, in my hotel room trying to understand what I wrote.

I never noticed, but Luke got into my room and we made awkward eye contact. "Oh, Luke!" I quickly through my phone on the bed and wiped my eyes. "Um, what are you doing here?" I asked. "Michael asked me to check on you, well they all did. You've been distant lately. Have you been feeling alright? Now, even. What's going on?"

He asked so many questions at once. "Er, yeah, I guess so. I don't know." I replied sighing. "Has something happened?" I told him about the nurse visit after the incident in the dressing room occurred and he read the email.

"Haven," he said in a low voice, "I had no idea."
"yeah well neither did i. please don't tell the others Luke. I'm asking you please don't." I told him, tearing up yet again. "I promise." he answered and I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me.