The boys performed at Wembly. And well, so did I. Every time Hey Violet, 5 Seconds of Summer, or I come backstage after one of our performances we always greeted each other with "good job," "you did great!" etcetera etcetera. But, I will admit, I sometimes acknowledge Luke and that seems immature but you know what, stick a straw in it and suck it up.
Once I got my test results back, I've been feeling down or as if I let someone down but no one in particular. It feels different to be told, "oh hey you were diagnosed with depression, have a good rest of your day," and I feel different a bit.
I haven't been spending a lot of time with anyone. I'm just keeping distance, I think everyone is silently judging me between one another. Michael, Calum and Ashton occasionally as well, visit me sometimes in my dressing room, which is where I am every time after my gig until we leave. They all insist I get out of my room. But I told them no and that I was fine.
"Haven?" I heard a voice asked. I was expecting like, wait no I'm mad at him. I don't want him here. But it was Michael, so I was relieved hardly may I add. "Um, hey." I said looking down at my floor. "What's gotten into you, are you feeling alright?" He asked, and it killed my on the inside because he seemed to care so much, but then again it came to me as a bit of a shock.
"Why do you even care? Does anyone even care." I responded still not making eye contact. "Haven, look at me." And I did. "I care. I care a lot actually. I do and don't get why you're so upset with us. Like I see why, but maybe at Luke not all of us. You've been so distant none of us hardly see you except for now at concerts and at meal times."
Michael just looked at me for the longest time, then he grabbed both my hands. "I miss you, Haven." He whispered. "I miss you, I miss you." I thought of Blink-182's song, "I Miss You."
"Michael, I, I can't explain how I feel and its just too much for me to take in sometimes. I just can't deal with anything anymore." I started to break out in slow tears. Michael looked into my eyes searching for a sign of that same girl they all met months back.
"What are trying to say?" He asked me. "I-" I tried to recollect myself but failed to do so. "I'm done. I'm done with everything. I don't know how much a can take anymore. Including every time something bad seems to happen, it's my fault."
"You know that isn't true. Not everything is your fault. Everyone has faults at some point, and if you had some or even some problems you thought you were at fault, I know you weren't. I just know you."
He continued to speak again, "I don't hate you if you think I do. I don't think you're some kind of psychotic freak because you have emotional issues. I want to be here for you anytime you need me. You here me?" I nodded. "Haven, I like spending time with you. As a matter of fact I love it. You're fun to be around but you don't realize it. You don't realize a lot about yourself. You find the imperfections other than the perfections. I think you're one of the most beautiful, perfect girls ever."
I shook my head slightly.
"Haven, I love you."
YOU ARE READING
Bad Dreams // m.g.c
Fanfiction"You're fun to be around but you don't realize it. You don't realize a lot about yourself. You find the imperfections other than the perfections. "
