Catching Red Eyes - NYC

Chapter 112

I tossed and turned all night until I finally gave up and grabbed my medicine. I popped two in my mouth and waited for the sweet release of sleep. My bedside clock said it was almost 4 AM. As I waited, I grabbed my book again and started reading. I tried to read but was distracted by my tiff with Laurie. I knew she wouldn't be mad at me because she knew how bad I was hurting or pretending not to hurt. I was worried about where he was and if he was safe but I knew if I turned on my phone, I would have a flood of new messages signifying he was fine. They would find him and he would carry on with his life, as I am trying to carry on with mine. After another ten minutes or so, I felt my eyelids getting heavy.

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My eyes opened and the sun was low in the New York sky. I rubbed my eyes and hesitated before looking at the time. I knew it was much later than I ever slept till but it felt nice not to wake up to an alarm or a loud banging noise. I smelled coffee and my mouth started watering. I hadn't had home coffee in so long. I pushed my covers back and sat up. I stretched my arms very slowly over my head but winced when it moved my sore ribs. I opened my door slowly and stepped out into the hallway. I knew Laurie wasn't mad at me but we never fought. I walked down the hallway and peeked my head around the corner.

"Hi."

"Hey, Row. How are you feeling?" She asked, with a wide smile on her face. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Better. I am so sorry about last night...I am going through waves of caring and then not caring...zombie Row then normal Row. I blame the meds."

Laurie came over from behind the island and put her arms around me. "You're fine, honey. You went through some crazy ass shit with the guy but you will get through this. And maybe it is the medication or you're just insane but either way."

"Hey now!" I said, hugging her back. I reached for the coffee pot and poured my mug all the way up before adding a few sugars. "So, what are you doing today?"

"Work. There's this big makeup and hair expo in Manhattan. I'm hoping to get in well with some higher ups. Pick their brains kind of thing."

"Oh, right. I remember you told me this. Sorry, I forgot about that. That's going to be so cool."

"Yes, let's hope! Are you going to be ok being here alone? I can have Alec drop off dinner later if you want."

"I'll be fine and no, its totally fine. I can eat leftovers. Go, don't be late."

She smiled and gave me a quick hug before bouncing out the door.

I looked around and sipped my coffee. I had no idea what to do with myself. I knew I had work to do but that didn't sound appealing today. I walked towards my front door and peaked out the window. There were a few cameras but nothing compared to what it looked like when I first got home. I prayed and hoped I wasn't news anymore. I refused to look anywhere online either. I hoped by the time I left for work next week, they would all be gone.

I wandered into my bedroom and saw my spilled over suitcase and messy bed. I set my coffee down and sat down on the floor. I grabbed my clothes and separated the clean and dirty ones. Some still had his faint sweet woodsy smell and I had to take a breath for my chest to stop getting tighter. I decided against sorting and stuffed them all into my laundry basket. I needed bleach to get his smell out of my clothes. Next, I made my bed and grabbed the cups from my nightstand and placed them in the sink. I spent the rest of the afternoon organizing my bedroom. I even very carefully and slowly moved it around with my bed now facing my windows.

I took a deep breath and was proud of my accomplishments even with my injuries. My room looked more open and it helped clear my head. I sat back down on my floor and picked up the papers and things that were once trapped under my bed. They were mostly school papers as I crumpled each one and threw it in my garbage. The last piece caught my eye and made my heart drop and my stomach heave. I recognized his handwriting and my hands shook as I read it.

Dearest Rowan,

My actions today were uncalled for and I am truly sorry for that, but I haven't been able to reach you all day and I hope this letter finds you. I am sure you are furious with me and I can understand why, I just needed you to know that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and want to make things right. I am so very sorry about the things I said that night and hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I also hope you got the flowers I sent this morning. If I do not hear from you soon, then I understand and I will leave you alone. Also, inside this envelope you will find two VIP passes to my concert next week in the city. I do hope you come.

And congratulations on your graduation today.

All my love,

Harry

It was my letter he sent me on my graduation. I covered my mouth with my hand as the tears took over. I held my hand up to my chest as it got tighter and tighter. I was crying because he and I never figured out how to just make it work. He or I were always apologizing for something one of us did to the other. Why couldn't it just be easier and more carefree? Why couldn't we learn to love the other without all the complications? I was crying because I knew he loved me and I loved him but I couldn't be ok with what he did to me. I was crying because he wasn't here to wipe away my tears. I was crying because I didn't want to hurt over him anymore.

I took both sides of the note and tore it into tiny pieces that fell and littered the floor.

I leaned back against my newly repositioned bed and tried to wipe away the tears but they wouldn't stop. I hated him. I loved him. But I still hated him so much for how much I still loved him.

I grabbed my phone as it begged to be turned on but I threw it into the pile of my clothes and made sure it was good and buried. I got up and wiped my face. I stomped into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I caught my reflection in the mirror and I was tangled, red faced mess. I turned too fast and winced when I hit my arm against the doorframe.

"Shit, fuck, ow."

I was seeing stars as the pain traveled into my chest and down into my ribcage. I waited to exhale until the pain stopped and slowly let my air out.

I got into the shower and let the water run over me. This was the first time I had seen my fully naked body after my accident. Most of my bruises were still purple but a few were yellow now. The cuts were healer faster than anything else. I quickly and carefully washed my hair and body. I turned the shower off and grabbed a towel. I didn't feel like getting dressed right away as I sat down on my bed.

I looked around and saw the scattered pieces of his notes still on my floor. I ignored them as I laid down on my bed facing away from the mess. My hair was still soaking wet but I didn't care. Life wasn't making any sense anyways.

(Its late here on the East Coast which means I need sleep! I hope to wake up to lots of new votes and comments!! Maybe a double update too??)