Catching Red Eyes - NYC

Chapter 99

After what felt like an eternity, the photographers and I finally reached a decision on two pictures. Harry looked divine in both of them as usual. My eyes hurt from staring at the computer screen for so long as I rubbed them. There was still no sign of Harry and the blonde. I have no idea how I was able to focus and function knowing Harry was off with a girl but I kept telling myself it was nothing because Harry wouldn't do that to me. Right? I went to find Marc and George to let them know I was finished. Part of me knew I wasn't done yet. I peered around every corner assuming I would find the two of them making out but saw no one of their stature, only guests and employees. I must have looked insane while peering around the corners with my messy bun falling in my face. I finally spotted George and sauntered up to him. He was talking into his phone in what sounded like German and I patiently waited. My fingers were interlaced behind me as I waited. I was lost in thought when I felt someone's hands unlock my fingers. Whoever it was, rested their chin on my shoulder and I smelled the familiar, normally intoxicating smell. His lips came in contact with my cheek and I pulled back slightly but enough for him to notice. He gave me a strange look but I paid no mind as George got off his phone call.

"What's up, guys?" He asked, looking between the two of us. I could sense Harry was awkwardly standing next to me, wondering what was wrong. I kept my eyes focused on George. "Pictures are all done. What's next?"

"Lunch. Come on, I figured you haven't eaten yet today," George must of sensed something was wrong as he was walking towards the banquet hall and away from us. I followed him without hesitation. I wasn't hungry but I needed coffee and I wasn't ready to talk to Harry. The blonde bombshell was nowhere to be found.

"Love?"

I turned to look at Harry's confused face. "I'm just tired. I'm getting coffee," I said, turning my face back to the front. I heard Harry's boots hit the floor as he jogged up behind me.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "My head hurts. I was staring at a computer screen for like four hours. I just need some coffee."

"Are you really sure?"

"Harry, I'm fine. Just tired. Why don't you go find your blonde bimbo? She is obviously has more spunk then I do right now."

Fuck. That did not just come out. Fuck. I told myself to keep my cool and I was doing a good job and now this. "Harr-"

"Who, Meredith?"

I shook my head assuming that was the blonde's name.

"Rowan, is that what's wrong? Are you jealous of Meredith?"

"Harry, I need coffee. I am not jealous."

Harry was still on my heels, I felt like he was trying to explain but right now I didn't care. My head was pounding and I needed coffee. I quickly grabbed a cup and filled it with the hot liquid.

"Love, Meredith is just my friend. She is visiting Ireland for a photo shoot and happened to be staying close. I told her to stop by so we could catch up."

Why did I feel that all of his friends were models? Even with us on and off again for almost 6 months, I still felt like I was never pretty enough for him. Like I was never interesting or fashionable enough. Like I couldn't keep up with his life. I felt like I always needed to be something more. Was I ever going to be confident enough to really be with Harry? I never questioned myself or my looks. I thought I was average looking and could be pretty if I really tried or if Laurie helped but how long before I was 100% confident in myself and our relationship? This was too much thinking for me right now.

"What is going on behind those blue eyes, love?"

"Hm...oh nothing. Sorry, I didn't mean to say that earlier." I instantly felt so incredibly uncomfortable next to him. I felt like everyone was staring and noticing that he was too...too whatever for me. I felt like I needed to go shower or put makeup on to even feel ok. This sudden insecurity was new and I did not like it.

"Are you sure? You look like you might be sick."

I did feel sick. I hated this feeling of uncertainty. I was almost jealous of the Rowan I was before I met Harry. The one who didn't care about needing a shower or wearing makeup. Yes, Harry did teach me that it was ok to fall in love and fall deep in love but now I felt like I was losing myself. I was never jealous of anyone and I never snapped at people. I was also never late for things. What if Marc was right...what if I was letting Harry cloud my judgment and make me someone completely different? I hated my own thoughts sometimes.

"I'm fine. Just need to go find Marc and see what else I need to do for today. I can come find you later." I quickly walked away from him and jetted out of the dining hall. I wasn't sure where I was going but I needed space to think.

(Yay for double updates! Keep voting and commenting!! Is Rowan cracking under the pressure of being with Harry? What are your predictions?? xoxo)