Bless Your Little Heart

ONE

The Sun shines through the blinds extra bright today, as birds sang their songs outside. I sat inside my room painting onto the canvas before me, what I was painting was another question. Even I didn't have the answer for it, it looked like a three year old had taken over. But it was more or less my way of creative expression, my paintings hung around my room. I was proud of them, I took inspiration from Andy Warhol and Vincent Van Gogh. Two very different artists for two very different time periods, but something about both of their art just designated with me. I created my own style, painting everyday products and people as Van Gogh would, then adding flairs and pops of Andy.

I took pride in my work, it got me into four colleges so I feel as if I'm allowed to. The art before me though was more Pollock than anything. Paint smeared and mixed amongst the rough surface. Speckles of paint littered the free areas, slapping more paint on in others. My blonde ponytail dangling over my shoulder, inches away from being stained with paint.

This was out of my comfort zone, but I was in the mood for change. My life was perfect and had been perfect since basically birth. I never understood it, I always had anything and everything I needed. I felt like I was just some cookie cutter girl, like I was on the path of becoming a wine mom in my future. I had no idea what I wanted to study at college, well scratch that. I knew, just my parents didn't approve.

Apparently a degree in Graphic Design isn't a 'sustainable' option, that I needed to pick something more 'stable'. They suggested accounting, fucking accounting. I'm no fucking accountant, I don't want to go to school to study numbers. I want to study something Im passionate about, I could see myself dropping out if I didn't. I just won't do something I'm not passionate about if it decides where and what I'll be in the future.

"Hey Madelyn baby, " My mom yelled from down the hall. "I made some spaghetti for lunch if you want some." I pondered a moment, considering the free food.

"I'll be there in a second." I yelled back, the smell of garlic bread being the deciding factor.  I grabbed a baby wipe from beside my desk and wiped the wet paint off my tanned hands, the dry paint chipping away as i scrubbed it.

Standing from my desk I slowly walked into the hallway, following the smell of my mothers delicious cooking. I was going to miss it when fall came around and I left for college. LSU was what felt like a million miles away from here, no matter how mad I was at my parents I didn't want to be far. But they thought I should be able to have my freedom and go live my life, thinking LSU would give me the best experience.

I agreed, even though I hated it. My parents were right, I needed to be away from them. Not that I was like coddled by them or anything. Just that I was extremely close to my parents, I spent a lot of my high school weekends with them. Just hanging out watching old movies while my friends went to parties. I never wanted a boyfriend, although a lot of guys wanted me. It just felt like a waste of time since I knew nothing would ever last last high school, I did love to lead the assholes on though. I always overheard them in the hallways talking about my body, saying the things they would do to me, I liked the attention. But I loved making them think they had a chance, knowing damn well it was never going to happen.

"Good afternoon my dear." My mother chirped as she scooped spaghetti onto two plates for us, my father not being included as he was at work today. Which was unusual for him, but he did love his job so it wasn't completely out of the ordinary.

"That smells so good, it's making my stomach go crazy." I held my stomach, feeling it rumble and moan as it craved the sweet smelling pasta and savory garlic bread my mother threw onto the plates, giving me more as she knew I loved it.

"Well bon appetite!" She remarked in a horrible French accent, carrying the plates to the island I was sitting at in the kitchen.

"Thank you momma." I inhaled the scent as she sat the plate before me, a fork already stabbed into the pile of pasta. I dug in without a second thought, gulping down the only food I've had today.

My mother joined in, eating her food delicately, as if it was going to break on her fork.

"So sweetheart," She swallowed the food in her mouth. "You need to go to the mall sometime and pick up the rest of the stuff you need. Any pillows, decorations, anything. You're not gonna have my debit card once you get to LSU." She laughed with me joining. "Yea I planned on heading out tomorrow, I've basically got everything except a few small things." I twirled then spaghetti on my fork before shoving the mound in my mouth.

The slam of the front door and a sigh coming from the hallway signaled my father being home. "Hey honey, how was work today?" My mother asked in her cheerful tone, which was her usual.

He rubbed his eyes walking over to the kitchen cabinets, opening them and grabbing a plate. "The usual, except they laid off Randy." He sighed as he put some spaghetti on his plate, sadly tossing a piece of garlic bread on top.

"What? Why would they get rid of Randy?" My mother questioned, my father putting his plate down in-front of us, standing to eat. "You tell me Jackie, it seems like everyone's getting laid off. Even the good people, seeing even Randy wasn't safe." He took a bite of his garlic bread before continuing to talk. "It's just ridiculous, they have everyone on the edge of their seats thinking we're next, we don't even have the people to be firing right now! Just." He sighed, chewing the breading thoroughly before swallowing. "This new VP is going to run us in the ground."

The stress was displayed all over my father face, his eyes drooped, bags underneath them more pronounced than the veins in his neck. My father looked tired and it saddened me seeing him in this state, I never once saw him like this and I don't want to see it right now.

"George, you're the best salesman they have, if they fire you some place better will come scoop you up. Because that's how valuable you are." My mother laid her hand upon his, rubbing it softly as she smiled at him. Seeming to ease is worries, his body softened and he acted as he normally would. It made me jealous almost, their love.

How my mother could just look at my father and ease his worries, his pain, make him forget anything bothersome to him, and just think of her. I longed for a love like theirs one day.

But I don't think I'm worthy of love.

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First chapter, whoop whoop. super excited for this book. It's gonna be DARK and VIOLENT from here on out, so if you're not okay with that it's time to gooooo. Love yah!

xoxo