Bless Your Little Heart

TWENTY-NINE

Beautiful?

I had never truly thought of myself in that way, granted just like everyone else I had my parents telling me everyday.

But never anyone else.

Until today.

Sitting right across from me he said it, I don't know if he meant it but he said it. That was enough for my heart to almost explode, my feelings were almost overwhelming.

Me? Beautiful?

I couldn't help but look at the shock on his face, seeing his eyes blank as he processed what he said, the way his lips were sealed tightly together. He looked upset, almost scared.

He didn't speak much after that, just stuffing his face as quick as possible to escape the awkward encounter. Throwing his plate into the sink before running to his room like the recluse he was.

He might want to forget what he said but I didn't, I heard every word and it kept replaying over and over in my head, his words burning deeper into my thoughts.

He thought I was beautiful.

All this time I sat here feeling hopeless, as if my last days were going to truly be spent as a prisoner in a home for a man who wanted nothing to do with me. But I was thankfully wrong, all the negative thoughts I ever held had vanished in that exact moment.

The warm water of the sink ran over my unharmed hand, letting the soap from the dishes fall down the drain. Placing the last dish on the drying rack before drying my hands on my shirt.

The house was eerily quiet, only the sounds of me rustling in the kitchen filled the empty air. I hated it, I desperately wanted the warmth he brought every time he was around, how the room felt so bright as soon as he entered the door.

My perspective on him slowly changed over the months, once seeing him as a ruthless, disgusting, heartless man. I now see him for his true worth.

He was broken.

He was alone.

He never felt love.

I don't know why but something inside me had convinced me I changed that, somehow someway I had broken the walls this dominating man had built. Me, a small little girl, who only wanted his love.

I walked up to his door as I stop before I knock, shifting on my feet as I second guess my thoughts.

In a daze I feel my arm moving toward the door, lightly knocking on the door as my eyes switch between the doorknob and my hand.

"Come in." Rumbled from inside. My body moving involuntary as I turn the knob, walking into the frigid room.

I being my hands to my arms as I rub the lightly against the goosebump riddled skin. Seeing a dark mass sitting in the side tomorrow the bed, his back facing me. The lights all shut off and the curtains drawn as slivers of light faintly peeled through cracks, the darkness swallowed the room making it feel so small.

His head was in his hands as his elbows were propped up on his knees, his fingers kneading through his hair as he let's out a sigh.

"Malcolm?" My voice was almost a whisper, I was nervous being around him like this, I didn't know how he could react so all I could do right now is walk on eggshells.

He let out a 'hmm' in response, not moving from his position.

I can't help but to feel as I need to comfort him, walking to his side before placing my bottom against the bed.

"You okay?" Placing my hand in his thigh before slowly rubbing small circles, seeing all the tension and anger plastered on his face.

"No." He states quickly, rubbing his eyes as he brings his hands back to their original position.

The air was so thick you could cut it with a knife, I felt as if I was suffocating in the darkness, barely able to make out his figure from the bathroom light peeking under the door.

"Malcolm, can we talk?" I move my hand to his back before rubbing the same circles, the softness of his shirt a stark contrast from my coarse skin.

"About what Madelyn?" He scoffed as he lowered his hands, letting them fall to his sides as he turned to face me.

The way he spoke was demanding, almost intimidating. But I had waiting too long for this moment and I'll be damned if I was going to let his attitude ruin it.

"What you said," I sigh as I let my hand fall from the crook of his back. "About what you sai-"

"I didn't mean it." He quickly retorts, cutting my sentence short.

"Yes you did." I leaned closer slowly, only moving and inch or two before stopping. His breath was harsh as he exhaled, feeling his emotions radiating off of him.

He was trying to hurt me to deflect the feelings he felt, but I knew better.

His eyes snap up to mine, seeing the dark orbs I love, the emerald green was breathtaking in the light. He studies my face as I continue to stare. Not daring to break my gaze from his eyes.

He starts to push himself on the bed with his hands, only to stop as I abruptly grab his arm. "I'm talking to you." I used the same demanding tone he used with me often, doing him notice this by the glint in his eyes.

"I know," He sits back down on to the plush bed, a gust of air threw the comforter up before delicately falling back down.

"I don't want to answer." He responded like a toddler, sitting with his arms crossed as he faces away from me.

I couldn't believe the nerve he had, he couldn't even sit here like an adult and listen to what I had to say?

"Well I expect an answer." My tone harsh as I pull my body away from his as I scooted down the bed a few inches.

His eyes meet mine as I see the tears brimming, his lips pursed as he chewed on his bottom one. He was distressed and I wanted to do nothing more than comfort him.

"I can't do it Madelyn," He shakes his head lightly, his hair moving swiftly as it shook back and forth. "I'm putting my life on the line if I do."

I could feel the fear he emitted, obviously this was serious to him, every time he did something loving or sweet toward me I always got the raged, drunk, or depressed Malcolm. As if he had those feelings all this time but just knew he couldn't act upon them.

But I wanted this, I would risk my life and his just to experience the feelings he held for me. To experience the love and lust he so desperately fought to hold back, only for me to slip between the cracks and infiltrate.

"I want you Malcolm." My voice was softened now, a more open and welcoming voice to hopefully get him to be more vulnerable with me.

The room was silent as he refused to answer, just blankly staring at the floor with his back hunched over and his arms resting on his thighs, interlocking his hands as his fingers fidgeted.

It felt as if centuries had passed before his husky voice echoed from his throat, only this time in a faint whisper, still loud enough for me to hear.

"I want you too Madelyn."

-

AHHH!! SOOOOOOO something's happening next chapter, starts with and S ends with a MUT... SHEJWHEHEB

XOXO