Bless Your Little Heart

THIRTY-EIGHT

TW: TALK OF DISTRESSING THEMES, VIEW AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

My brain truly couldn't comprehend what feelings it wanted to express, every one getting overtaken by the other. Before I knew it three hours had passed as I laid on my stiff "mattress" sobbing into the flat pillow I was lucky to have.

Being alone felt more comforting than being around him right now though, after last night my heart didn't know how to react. I just asked to be left alone and surprisingly he obliged, but I know it took everything in him not to say no. As much as I loved him I hated feeling controlled all of the time. I'm down with being submissive and listening to his commands, but I'm human too.

I wanted nothing more than for him to comfort me but his presence was too much at the moment, I felt nauseous just reliving the situation, how he so easily struck me without second thought.

To say I was scared of him was an understatement.

But what scared me more was the room he's kept hidden from me, just below my feet this whole time. Why he kept it from me terrified me, because if he felt the need to hide it, what has he done down there?

Was he going to take me down there?

Thats the thought that haunted my brain till no end, just thinking of him dragging me down into that hole & stapling me down with those restraints. A dryness in my throat appeared as I delve more about the thought.

Then he hit me? I mean I was out of line to start attacking him but the use of physical force out of nowhere truly shocked me. I knew he was capable of things but I hoped they'd never be towards me.

A knock in my door sent my heart into a race, beating rapidly knowing he stood just behind the metal door while I had nowhere to go.

"Come in." My hoarse voice croaked out in response, not bothering to move from my comfortable position on the ground. Hearing the door creak open as the hinges screamed from being rubbed together, the footsteps ascending closer to me before stopping.

His presence was hard to ignore as his large stature towered over my frail body.

"Madelyn, you need to eat." He coldly states, his deep breathing being the only thing heard in the room as I laid in silence. "I'm not hungry." I weakly let out before pulling the little blanket bundled at my feet over my body.

He lets out a scoff before snatching the blanket off of me, causing me to jump slightly from the quick motion.

"Get up Madelyn." He threw the blanket to the other corner of the room before returning his gaze to me. "What's the point," I roll over on my other side so Im facing him, his stubble had grown out slightly and it made his already gorgeous face breathtaking. It didn't help he was still so tan somehow, compared to me who looked like Frosty the snowman.

"I'm not hungry so why should I eat?" I sit up and place both my hands behind me back and rest on them, looking up at his anger filled face.

"Because you'll die Madelyn, you act as if you don't need food to survive?" He huffs before kneeling down to my level, letting one knee rest on the floor before propping the other up and laying his arm across. "And to my knowledge you haven't ate in almost a day and a half, so come on." He lightly grabs my arm before pulling me up and dragging me into the kitchen where a simple sandwich and chips laid.

I didn't understand him, did he care about me or not? He acted as if he did but then I can't help but go back to yesterday.

I shuffle slowly to the counter where the concoction laid, taking a chip and popping it into my mouth before hearing Malcolm clear his throat.

"I wanted to talk to you too," I turned to face him as he stood behind me leaning against the counter, I took the opportunity to hop up on top of the cold surface and sit, propping the plate in my lap before continuing to eat. Waving my hand for him to continue.

"What you saw down there, I don't want you to think that's me, that that's who I am." He took and hand and drug it through his hair, I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about this, and I can't lie, it was kinda satisfying.

"I'm not some freak, I never did anything really. The most I ever did was," His head drops before he places his hands on his eyes and rubs them vigorously. Returning to leaning against the counter afterward. "I let my brothers do most of it."

"Most of it?" The words came out a little muffled from the chips I was chewing, swallowing and continuing to eat as I raise a brow at him.

"I did it once. Sex... Rape... I raped her." His voice broke slightly, and in that moment I realized he was actually hurt by his actions. Seeing how visibly upset he was by the way he fidgeted, how he spoke about it. He was remorseful but the fact he even committed the act disgusted me.

His head hung low as he rested it in his hands, he breathing starting to increase as his fingers fidget with the hair that falls into his face. "She screamed so much, so loud."

My face twists in disgust as he talks of such foul acts, thinking as if it's going to make his case any better. "Madelyn I heard her screams for years. Years. They never stopped no matter what I did."  He looks up at me and I see a face I've never seen before, one that had tears in the eyes, a shaking bottom lip. It was completely unlike the man I've come to know. 

"I regret it so much, more than you'll ever know." He shook his head as he pursed his lips in disgust. "But I can't take that back, so I'm telling you rather than hide it anymore."

I appreciated his honesty but how did he expect me to react about this? It was disgusting, I couldn't imagine what that poor girl went through, then knowing she just got sold off? Where was she now? I wish I could just shake the icky feeling off but it wouldn't budge anyways.

I just hated how I wanted to forgive him, seeing how upset and remorseful he was in his words. It made me believe that he truly regretted this godawful act he committed,

and I forgave him for it.

•

OKAY OKAY OKAY BEFORE YOU GET PISSED AT ME PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.

Okay we've all come to realize Madelyn is gullible, young, impressionable, and she's also very naive. She's given all to this man & never seen this soft remorseful side. Yea when he hit her but this was something more serious in her eyes. So she took it more seriously & brushed off the bad he did to her. She's given this man all of her basically, she's given herself up to him so of course she's going to believe everything he says.

But bear with her lol, she may be dumb but you gotta love her

xoxo