South Park x Reader! 「ONE-SHOTS」

♥︎ | Stan Marsh (😱)

SORRY, GANG! JUST CURRENTLY BLEH THROWING UP BLEH AFTER READING MY OLD ONESHOTS BLEH

HERE IS A STAN X READER BECAUSE YEAH :D

PLS PRETEND LIKE I'M A GOOD WRITER, I'M CRYING SO HARD.

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I woke up-- GASP! I know, shocking-- How I like... opened my eyes.

ANYWAY!

I did stuff and then did some other stuff-- I'm very good at english and explaining things.

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Okay, I miserably climbed out of bed, like seriously, it looked so incredibly sad and heartbreaking-- I looked bent and hurt as I climbed out of that fucking thing.

Uhm... I hauled my ass into the shower... well, my whole body... but also my ass-- OKAY, YOU GET THE POINT! I got out and... I breathed.

I put my clothes on, that consisted of the ugliest NEON pink MLP shirt you have ever seen, and SpongeBob shorts-- JOKING! FUCKING JOKING! I'm actually wearing-- (YOU decide. I hate it when writers decide for the reader!)

I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to rizz up my reflection-- 'wait, that's weird... I should stop.'

So, I stopped.

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I um... well, I left the bathroom-- GASP! Okay, shut up. it's not that shocking! Seriously, I can't take you ANYWHERE! YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO THIS!

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So, I walked into the kitchen and forgot why I was there for a second-- then I poured myself some cereal... well, I first got a bowl-- what? Do you think I just poured it all over the table?

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NO! YOU BUTTHOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RIGHT NOW! DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'D DO THAT?

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I hate you so much-- ANYWAY. I ate my cereal... like you're supposed to do with cereal, you eat it... I don't know what you were expecting me to say?

I put the empty bowl in the sink and buggered off into the lounge, because it's time for some TV, bestie.

FUCKIN-- KNOCKING NOISES.

Okay, well-- Sorry, bestie. No more TV for you.

I reluctantly made my way over to the front door and opened it, revealing-- FUUUCK SHIT BALLS! IT'S STAN-- A WILD STAN HAS APPEARED ON MY PORCH! I slammed the door.

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I stared intensely at the ground as I started having WW12 flashbacks-- that's right. I was so fucking scared that I was seeing into the future, before his knocking snapped me out of it. "Y/n?" I heard His muffled voice.

I flung the door open and looked at him. "What?" I squinted at him.

His lips slowly curved upwards-- in other words, he smiled-- GASP! NO, SHUT UP! FUCK YOU, WE'RE NOT DOING THIS!

"I wanted to... come hang with you." He lifted his hand and scratched the back of his neck.

"Hang? As in... Suicide?" I tilted my head, and his eyes widened. "What? No!" He waved his hands around while shaking his head.

"Talk properly then." I casually walked inside while He stayed outside.

I looked over my shoulder at him with a WICKED glare for absolutely no fucking reason and he screamed as he ran away-- I mean, I just looked at him.

"Get in, asswipe." I gestured for him to walk inside and so he did, because I gestured-- BESTIE! SERIOUSLY, COME ON!

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I don't actually have fucking time to explain. I really-- Bestie, please don't do this to me.

We just kinda sat there awkwardly, and all we did was like... breathe? I don't know-- maybe we also coughed, but that's about it-- until. that. fucker. spoke.

I whacked him with a pillow and burnt the house down with him in it-- just kidding, I wanted to though-- BESTIE, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M INSANE! YOU'RE THE ONE READING THIS! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that... BUT OH MY GOD! I CAN'T WITH YOU ANYMORE! Hold on... wasn't the little fuck speaking?

I coughed as I looked at him. "Sorry, what did you say?" I asked, and I was concerned for his health because... well, he looked like he was suffering-- I mean, suffocating with how RED his face was... Stan actually always looks like he's suffering-- BESTIE, STOP IT! STOP LAUGHING! HE CAN'T HELP IT!

"I-I um... wanted to get something off my chest." He fiddled with the necklace that was around his neck, because that's where necklaces go-- BESTIE, COME ON, YOU HAVE TO KEEP UP!

"What's on your chest?" I asked, looking down. He awkwardly cleared his throat.

"...I don't see you as a friend anymore." He confessed, and I collapsed and went to heaven-- I mean, my jaw dropped.

"You Bum..." I breathed, feeling betrayed as I stared at him with a shocked expression.

He shook his head. "No! I'm saying that... I like you, I see you as more than a friend." He glanced at me. BESTIE, OMG! HE CONFESSED!

"Awesome." I stood up and ran away-- I mean, I smiled at the lil' fuck nugget.

"So, like... wanna date?" I shrugged, he laughed. "Dude, let me ask you out decently." He smiled.

"What? You're gonna get down on one knee and do it?" I raised my brow, and he laughed even more. "God, just shut up!" He urged through his laughter.

"I'm still trying to get over the fact that you like me back!" He covered his face in his hands. "I can't tell if I'm dreaming or not." He muffled.

I slowly lifted a pillow. "Wanna test--" "Put the pillow down, N/n." He muffled, not even looking at me.

I put it down and coughed. "Okay, now ask me out." I flapped around.

He lifted his head and looked at me, before cracking up again and hiding his face. "I can't! I'm so nervous!" He muffled.

I grabbed the pillow and threw it at him, INSTANTLY killing him-- No, he just flopped onto his side.

I picked up the table and threw that out the fucking window. "Pussy!" I flipped him off and ran away.

...I'm kidding. He eventually built up enough courage to ask me out and we've been dating for 5000-- I mean, 5 years now. Awesome... YOU CAN LEAVE NOW, BESTIE.

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Sorry, I was in a silly mood today, so it's not the most ROMANTIC, but I hope it made you laugh-- or at least smile.