Tw: self-harm
-nats your mom
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'I love you.' It's often said. It feels meaningless and you don't think anyone could love you.
Sure, each night before bed your girlfriend texts you 'I love you, goodnight love.', sure every time you go out your mom tells you. 'be careful, I love you.' every time you feel sad and someone try's to comfort you, they throw in an 'I love you' somewhere in their pep talk.
But you don't believe them. Cause how could anyone, love you?
You know you love them. You love so many people. You get obsessed with the idea of having people who you love. Cause you have so many people to love but none to love you back.
It's making you tired. Not knowing what's real and what's not. They don't love. Maybe it's all just a joke. They don't really love me. They just pity me.
By the time you're full on sobbing because you're overthinking those 3 stupid words your mom walked in.
"Hey baby what's wrong?" "Nothing." You mumble. "Nothing huh? You know you can always talk to me. I love you."
You stand up. "Do you tho? Love me?" You take a deep breath. "What's there to love? Why would you say that? Do you feel bad for me?" "Y/n where's this coming from?"
"No!!! You don't get it! Everyone tells me they love me but they don't. I know they don't. There's nothing to love."
"Y/n that's not-" "It's making me exhausted! I can't tell what's real and what is not. I can't tell if I should trust people cause maybe they're all just acting? How can I talk to anyone about anything not knowing if they're real with me."
"Y/n what's going on, why are you thinking like this." "I don't know! I can't stop. It's getting to me." Digging your nails harshly into your palms, nat grabs your hands and hols them tight.
"Stop that Y/n." "See! Why would you care? I'm just a grain of sand on a beach. Just a tree in a forest. No one would care if I dissapeared."
"You stop this right now. We do love you. People wouldn't lie about loving someone to please you. You think that if they didn't care they would care enough to tell you 'i love you' so you don't feel bad?"
You stay quiet. "Exactly. Y/n just take deep breaths. You're brain is getting ahead of you. You haven't slept in forever and your thoughts are just getting loud right now. Come'on I'll lay with you."
You just lay down beside her on bed and quickly fall asleep in her arms, the tears drying up on your face.
A/n: real
