Tw: eating disorder/starving/body image issues
-nat is your girlfriend.
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Silently crying as you look at old pictures of your sick self it suddenly hits you how much you've gained since recovery. It's been a long way but you got there eventually.
Although looking at these pics you find yourself wanting to go back. You know you weren't happy, you were unhealthy. But you were pretty skinny. You didn't realize at the time but looking back you were.
It's around 1 pm and you just woke up. Deciding to go train on an empty stomach you know this will only be the beginning. Walking up to the gym you walk past Nat, your girlfriend.
"Hey where are you going?" "Working out." "You haven't eaten right?" There she goes. "I will, I'm going out for lunch soon with a friend but I wanted to do a quick workout." "Oh okay, make sure to eat baby."
She gives you a quick kiss on your cheek and makes her way down the hall. She fell for that? Ofcourse she does. Everyone forgets about you when you're recovered they think recovery is easy and when it's done it's done.
But it's not. It's a constant cycle of asking yourself if you're good enough. If you ate too much. If you should work out more. If your clothes fit your body nicely.
The thoughts may get quieter when in recovery but never they dissapear.
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It's now a few days later and you've barely been eating and excersicing a LOT. Natasha didn't say much about it. Just said to take good care of myself.
The only person who's noticed that youre barely eating is Kate, she kept talking to you about it untill you told her if she ever mentioned it again to anyone you'd make sure she gets kicked off the team.
Now in the gym again you're running on the threadmill. Feeling faint you try to slow down but before you could turn it down a notch you fall off the treadmill hitting your head.
Everything is black.
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Waking up you notice 3 people in the room, one being your girlfriend and the other 2 being Bruce and Kate. No she didnt-
"What happened?" You ask. "You fell and hit you're head pretty hard." "Oh." Then nat speaks up. "She told us." Her voice breaks. Her meaning Kate. You look at Kate, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry, you were hurt and-" I look away and ignore her.
You hear her leave the room. "We have to talk about this princess." Nat speaks up again. "I don't want to. Kate was wrong." "When was the last time you ate? She said it was Tuesday. That's 2 days ago. Is that true Y/n?" Bruce speaks up.
"No." "Baby." Nat grabs your chin softly. "Be hounest with us." "I'm fine." "You're not. We don't want to but if we have to we will get Wanda in here and read the truth."
Your heart drops. "Fuck you." You try to stand up but feel dizzy so you quickly sit back on the bed. You take a deep breath. "Fine. Yes. Is that what you wanna hear?" She looks at your eyes.
"I am disgusted by myself. Everytime I walk past something I can see my reflection on I scream internally. The hate I have for myself is unbearable. Every single little thing that is my body is making me cry."
By now tears are falling down your cheek too. Bruce has left the room by now. "Oh baby." Nat says. "You'll get through this. I'm here." She hugs you and kisses you on your head. "I'm here." She whispers.
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A/n: well!
