Like a Ray in My Night (Part 4)

615 Take Care of Yourself

Mu Qing nodded, his expression grave. "I will do my best." Even though it might look like his part was small, he realized how important it actually was. He was the only one on the side of the demonic faction who could help the righteous faction plan ahead and infiltrate this place without too many casualties. Whether this would work or not depended a lot on whether he was able to keep acting normal in front of his Master.

Thinking of this, he actually worried. His Master wasn't easy to hoodwink in general and he knew him well enough. As soon as he seemed slightly off, he would know that something was up. Putting that together with his Master's lack of trust in him ... he might change his plan at the last minute and cause everything to fail.

Xi Ju Hai reached out and grabbed his hand. "Don't worry. You can do this. I believe in you."

Mu Qing nodded again and gave her a long look. "You've always believed more in me than I did in myself."

Yes, back at the Teng Yong Sect, when they were younger, he had often doubted himself. His Master had high expectations and while Qu Yijun thrived under the constant demand, he didn't. While he tried to meet his Master's goals, he often missed them if even by a bit. Over time, those failures accumulated and turned into crippling self-doubt.

It was Xi Ju Hai's reassurance and comfort that allowed him not to give up at the times when it was worst. Whenever he failed once again to meet his Master's expectations, he wouldn't go to see him first but go to Xi Ju Hai. She would tell him that it was alright, that no matter what his Master thought, he had already done great and made progress.

Contrary to Feng Bai Xiao, she would tell him that she was proud of him and this pride slowly turned into his motivation. He didn't cultivate any longer to please his Master. He did so to live up to Xi Ju Hai's expectations, to be good enough to stand at her side and strong enough to protect the life he wanted to build together with her.

In the end, he hadn't been strong enough. Unable to stand up to his Master, he had left her behind. And yet, here she was, once again telling him that he could do what he himself could hardly imagine. Clearly, he didn't deserve this woman.

Mu Qing lowered his head but his grasp on Xi Ju Hai's hand tightened. "I will do what I can. I don't know if it will be enough but I will do everything in my power." He looked up again, his gaze determined. Right now was not the time for doubts. He had to stay strong so that he wouldn't disappoint her again.

Xi Ju Hai smiled as if she could read his thoughts and once again felt the pride from back then. Indeed, her thoughts were a bit similar. Contrary to Mu Qing though, she thought of something further into the future. "When all of this is over, let's sit down and have a chat about us."

Mu Qing nodded. "I would like that." He didn't know if this meant he would have a second chance but ... if he could, then he would happily welcome the opportunity. Not that things would be easy. Don't even mention actually winning the fight, there was still the trial he would certainly be put through. It really was questionable whether he could make it out of all of this and still even have a chance to speak to her.

He sighed when he thought of this, feeling that he should have cut contact with his Master long ago. Even if he didn't refuse to leave the sect when his Master forced him to and didn't return to the Teng Yong Sect after his Master betrayed them, he should have found another moment. The earlier, the better. That way, he could have warned them and also could have bettered his chances to be forgiven. Not to mention ... Xi Ju Hai wouldn't have needed to suffer for so long.

Unfortunately, it was too late now and the sects likely wouldn't be lenient when judging him. On the contrary, he might even implicate Xi Ju Hai if he wasn't careful. Still, he had to try to make things right. He owed her and himself at least that much.

Mu Qing cleared his throat, trying not to get too emotional. "I think we have discussed everything we can. You should return and tell the Elders. I will find a time to mention everything to junior martial sister Liu and senior martial brother Zhi so they are prepared on this end."

Xi Ju Hai nodded and got to her feet. "Let's do that." She didn't directly turn to leave and instead looked at him, feeling that she should still say a few more words. "Ah Qing ... you pay attention to your safety. Contrary to your little junior or junior martial brother Yun, you are likely expendable to your Master. I know you want to help but also keep yourself safe if possible. You don't deserve to lose your life over this."

Mu Qing nodded. "Nobody does and I will do my part to ensure that the damage will be as small as possible. You ... don't worry about me. Just make sure you yourself are safe. I ... I care about that the most."

Xi Ju Hai smiled and nodded. She turned but then stopped halfway and finally faced Mu Qing again. "My well-being is tied to yours." She took a step closer, reached up, and cupped his cheeks. "So if you do care about how I am doing, then don't take yourself lightly." She didn't wait for his response and leaned in, kissing him lightly on the lips. "I have to go now." Then, she indeed turned and left. Now, there were no regrets left.