the book of my messy thoughts

What is This?

Am so confused I thought talking to you would maybe makes things better but I feel like there's more that were not saying I just I don't know am tired but I try to refrain myself from you but end up walking towards you once again and again or have sleepless nights, endless talks about you like why? Would would you do this to me you said you loved me I just feel like am not getting the whole story I want that at least give me closure because I want to get the fuck over you I just can't every time I see some couple or anything involving that I almost burst into tears you may think am okay but babe really look at me it isn't me I don't wear makeup I don't plaster a fake smile across my face you out of all people should know this are you ignoring these things on purpose? Or is it just a guy thing? What are you thinking about? Do I cross your mind just as often? Are you sad too? Do you notice my pants falling off my hips more than usual & the hollowness in my cheekes? Or the red in my eyes? Did you cry at all? Because I would comfort you oh I would I would kiss your face & tell you how much I forgive you and we can work it out.....Why couldn't it have worked out that way babe you also said I was your world but probably not your universe but besides all this petty puppy love stuff WHY? I don't get it we were so happy? We could've lasted who knows how long? Am sorry am not good at this relationship stuff but neither are you ok I don't blame you exactly we both tried out best in our ways but we used to be so much you were part of my daily routine like brushing my teeth & it feels weird since your no longer in it and when am close enough to you it takes every part of my being to not grab your hand or nuzzle into you I literally itch for it for your touch again am so deprived from it more than the sleep am deprived from and the food and happiness I just don't get it
-me