Bliss (kimchay)

chapter 4

he even frees my bruised wrist from then shackles. the a week later he let me out of the small dark room and has me clean his house and cook for him. though he would still hit me occasionally especially when he's drunk., but not the point that I can't walk anymore like before. I'm verry thankful for the sudden changes and I promised to serve him with all my might.

I became his servant. i prepared his breakfast sometimes lunch and dinner, I prepared his bath wash and iron his clothes and clean his house. that is my everyday routine until one night in a drunken state, he announced that he is getting married.

I didn't see it coming, or I simply set aside the idea of him marrying someday. I'm so stupid for letting myself fall for him. but then again, I can't teach my heart what to feel so I hide the pain and serve him wholeheartedly especially now that he's somehow a little bit nicer.

and the one day, he brought his fiancee into his house. she is perfectly beautiful like his former fiancee, she's been nice to me since kim introduced me as his servant. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her where deep inside I'm so envious of her . hell! who am I to be envious when kim is not even gay, he is homophobe!

there's a searing pain in my heart but what can I do? who am I to express what I'm going through? it would just complicate things and make worst. all I can do is watch in the corner and let things be as II silently cried.

the time comes that he wouldn't even notice me around and wouldn't beat me anymore. it seems like he's happy now and even though it pains me, I have to be happy for him. it means that he might forgive me but when he's drunk and sees me, he will get mad and be me again saying I'm a living curse and I don't deserve to live.

one faithful night, one of those rare nights where kim come home completely drunk. he called for me in his room.

I opened the door shakily. I already know what's going to happen but, he never beat me in his room before so why now?

I entered his room silently nervous. the smell of his room is mixture of liquor and his masculine scents. my heart's beating faster than normal as I stood feet away from kim. he is sitting on the edge side of the bed, head facing down so I can't see if he's angry.

I step forward slowly til I'm just a few feet away, but he didn't move to make me more anxious as I wait for him in a blink of an eye he had me on the wall. pinning me as he gripped my neck painfully. I couldn't breathe.
fear flooded to my body as I saw his eyes full of hatred towards me. tears threaten to fall from my eyes as I dare not to move on his deathly grip. he had never been this mad since he let me out of the room so what could've happened? what did I do?

"I shouldn've killed you the first time I brought you here, "he spat,

"why do you have to live in this world? "his gripped tightened. "you spawn of evil should die!"

I closed my eyes tightly, I don't want to hear him anymore. beating me would be even better rather than hearing him say those hurtful things.

the pain and the would will heal but his words will surely have scarred my heart and mind for the rest of my life.

"your worthless life will end now... "he trailed of evilly. I shuddered as he runs his hand over my tears-stainedface. "you ruin my life, it's pleasure doing yours. "

he pushed me on the bed as he climbed over me. I didn't have time to gasp as he punched me on my stomach really hard making me dizzy as I writhed in pain. he placed my hand above my head as he took off my necktie and tie it around my wrist tightly and attached it to the bed's headrest. I squirmed and struggled but to no avail. all I could do is cry in my pathetic condition.

"don't worry, I 'll make sure to give you like what you always want before you die," he said through gritted teeth.

he ripped the old shirt he gave me then pull the pants off leaving me bare to his sight.

"p-please d-do-on't d-do th-iss... "I pleaded as fat tears fall down on my face he smirked evilly like he is satisfied to see me begging and scared.

I know what he's planning to do to me. and I'm scared like hell, knowing that this is not making love or not sex this is rape! this is not the way how I want my first time to be. I want it to be with the one I love.