COLLAGE (Random)

Lame excuses (O.S)

THE SEEKER.

Finally i'm free. I got my freedom for the first time. No worries. No pressure and no one to deal my problems with. It doesn't mean that i lost my care, i cared too much that caring became too much to handle and left me.
I don't know what or who gave me the idea of falling out of love. I just felt like i wanted to be alone and give myself a break.
She was my princess, my life, my best buddy. Like the hell, alam mo yun? Sa kanya lang umikot ang mundo ko. Then suddenly it turned upside down in so many negative ways.
I wish i were her. Madaling tumanggap madaling magparaya, madaling maka cope up sa mga bagay bagay. But it's never been the same for me. Gusto ko ng kumplikado gusto ko ng bago. Yung tipong mapapaisip ka bakit nangyayari ang imposible. Alam ko mahirap ang magulo, pero it makes me feel that i'm alive. That i'm here for a reason.
But she's exactly the opposite. She's way too transparent. Ang dali nyang basahin. Alam ko na kung kelan siya naiinis, nalulungkot, kapag masaya siya at kinikilig siya. Nawala yung thrill. Nawala yung dahilan nung unang araw kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan.
Sabi nga ng tropa ko nun, "Bakit hindi ka mambabae? O kaya magpakalayo ka? " . Ang sagot ko pa nun, hindi ko kayang nakikita siyang nasasaktan. Gulong gulo ako nun, to the point na muntik na kong mawala sa mundo. Sana nga nawala nalang ako. Para di ko siya nasaktan ng husto tulad ng nararamdaman niya ngayon.

-*-

THE CONTENTED.

He broke up with me. He said i'm better off without him. Akala ko nagbibiro lang siya. Kasi wala naman kaming problema. Akala ko masaya kami. Akala ko lang pala lahat. He's perfect to me. Siya yung matatawag na pinaka ideal boyfriend ika nga. Gwapo, godfearing , masipag, sweet, mabait at may maipagmamalaki. Never mo siyang maiisipan na magloloko at magsisinungaling sa'yo. Actually, updated ako lagi sa mga ginagawa niya. Every seconds, every minutes, every hours, everytime! I never imagined that he would turned into someone else. Di ko akalain na sa bawat araw na pagiging matino niya, nasasakal ko na pala siya.

Ang sabi niya, okay lang lahat. Okay lang kami. Perfect couple kami. Nakalimutan ko na wala nga palang perfect. Iniwan niya ko sa ere, sa panahon pang naibigay ko na ang lahat-lahat sa kanya. Yung buong ako. Pagkatao ko at buong puso ko. Minahal ko siya ng higit pa sa sobra. Higit pa sa sarili ko at anupaman sa mundo.
I feel so weak that in every moment i could break down. I can't imagine life without him. He's just confused right? Maybe he just needs time to reflect, maybe he got tired of my clumsiness, my being childish sometimes or maybe i grew fat or became ugly and looked older than my age that he lost interest?
Yeah, that could be it.

I'd try to change. No, i have to do something to change and try something new. That would be a great help. I know he would want me back and love me like the first time.