Abhinav

Part - 9: Awareness

Abhinav woke up with a start, his heart and head both pounding. There was something very important today, something that couldn't be missed, something he had been waiting for..not something..someone..
'Papa!', Nikkeji came bouncing in Abhinav's room.
'Nikkeji, I will get ready fast and then we will go to Goenka House. Something important.. We need to get there fast'.
'Papa, I am feeling strange.. I am feeling sick. I want to stay here and rest'.
'Nikkeji!', said Abhinav, rushing to him, 'I will call a doctor'.
Abhinav reached out for his phone laying on the bedside table, waking the screen. The mobile displayed the time - 10:30 a.m.
'No, Papa! Not the doctor, it's not that serious! I just need to rest here'.
Abhinav was already dialing. Nikkeji started laughing and Abhinav paused, confused.
'BBBMA!'
Buddhu banaya bada mazza aaya! 'Nikkeji, never joke like that about your health!', spoke Abhinav, extremely cross. Hazy images of a boy fainting in a football field fleeted across Abhinav's mind and Abhinav felt a familiar headache rise up again.
'Sorry, Papa!', said Nikkeji, interuppting his thoughts.
Abhinav nodded, freshed up, wrote a quick apology letter for Muskaan - Kairav and asking Nikkeji to not make any noise, picked him up and sleathily made his way outside Dheeraj's house.

'BHAIJI!'.
Abhinav turned and looked up towards the source of the voice and saw a panic stricken Muskaan calling out from the window of his room. Abhinav got inside a nearby taxi hastily and got going for Goenka House. He didn't know how but he somehow just knew that if he told Muskaan - Kairav that he wanted to go to Goenka House, they wouldn't allow him. Nikkeji was strangely quiet and tensed throughout the entire journey. Abhinav decided to get him to speak about what was bothering him once they reached Goenka House.

A joy that Abhinav couldn't explain took over him as he walked through the Goenka House gate. There was a pull about Goenka House today that Abhinav couldn't ignore, the place beackoned like a siren's call. Abhinav stepped inside the house and suddenly all the energy drained out of him. The irrestibility was gone. The attraction, the charm was missing. Abhinav searched the living room for.. Everyone was there, huddled around Akshara, who had started turning towards the door already. The others remained oblivious to his presence.

'Bhaiji!'.
The Goenkas got a shock when they noticed him near the door, while Akshara was standing next to him already, her eyes red.
There were a million questions he wanted to ask.
What are you doing here, Akshara? Why have you been crying? What am I doing here? Why is everyone here sad? Why is Goenka House looking.. different?
Abhinav couldn't concentrate on getting one question out of his mind as his eyes went on searching for somethi..someone.

'He isn't here'. Akshara's whisper was the only sound he heard over the din of Muskaan - Kairav and Goenka's questions and concerns.
Who? 'Why?', asked Abhinav, surprising both Akshara and himself.
'He didn't want to meet us. He refused to come'.
Abhinav nodded, the void in his chest, where his heart used to be, releasing a darkness that flooded him and then drowned him.

'Abhinav!' ' Bhaiji!' 'Abhinav ji!' ' Papa!' Abhinav opened his eyes, his head feeling heavy. He held his hand out and Nikkeji ran to him, placing his little hand in Abhinav's. Abhinav's hand closed around Nikkeji's, his weight comforting.
'Abhinav! Thank You, Kanha ji! Are you alright?'.
Abhinav forced his lips into a smile and said,'I am fine, Akshara. Looks like the heat got to me again'.
Sitting up straighter, Abhinav glanced at Nikkeji and then Akshara, 'Let's go back to our home , our Kasauli'.
Akshara stood speechless in shock.
Muskaan recovered fast,'Bhaiji! Akshara's law results are pending and her internship too. You know the opportunities in Udaipur are better than Kasauli'.

Abhinav listened, uneasily. Muskaan was right. However, there was something about Udaipur this time that was very wrong. The Goenkas ignored Nikkeji completely. They wouldn't greet him, wouldn't even set food plates for him, they behaved like they couldn't even see him. Akshara was too stressed out to pay attention to Nikkeji. It was weird how Akshara and Nikkeji has become so distant here. He was aware about the whispering that went when he was out of sight about Akshara's so-called ex husband.. what was his name?..and his health. Abhinav didn't want to be rude to them but he found the whole notion ridiculous. Wouldn't he remember something as important as Akshara's previous marriage? The talks confused Abhinav to the point where he couldn't differentiate whether he was dreaming or awake. He slept continuously for more hours than he had before in his entire life. In the orphanage, sleep had been a luxury and after getting thrown out from there, a roof over his head itself had been a luxury. He had spent many sleepless nights working to meet the rent and bills. How is it possible for the heat to affect me so much?

Everything was wrong here, realised Abhinav. He couldn't place a finger on it but he felt that he would lose everything if he stayed here for longer. He felt suffocated here, he couldn't breathe, his head ached terribly, he didn't like staying in his sasural like a burden, he was concerned for Neelamma, he has already lost Abhi..

Abhinav clutched at his chest. Kasauli.. Everything was perfect there, always right, always happy. He had to return to Kasauli. Nothing was lost there. He would find everything there.

But Akshara..Akshara. She wasn't an object and he wouldn't play with her dreams.
'I am sorry, Akshara. I became selfish. We should stay here'.
'Abhinav, you know how much I love Kasauli, how happy I am there. In our home. I will work sincerely anywhere and I will find success in my career', said Akshara, confidently. 'We will go back to Kasauli whenever you say', she continued. Abhinav breathing eased. 'I have one condition though - we won't come back to Udaipur till my law career sets there properly. I need..', Akshara thought carefully,'..5 years. No festivals, no weekends, no anything'.
'Bhaiji..'.
'No, Muskaan. It will be Abhinav's decision only. I promise that it will have my consent too'.
'Papa! I want to play with Kabir and Tarun and all my friends in Kasauli. I want to return to our home in the mountains where it is cold and safe. LGBP!'. Let's go back, Papa!

This is what I asked for, what I wanted, thought Abhinav, his hands turning cold, then why am I resisting? What's wrong with me? That siren call, realised Abhinav, suddenly, that pull existed in Udaipur, not Goenka House.
'No weekends?', asked Abhinav, disheartened for a reason he couldn't figure out.
He thought he heard Akshara's soft relief in her firm voice, 'No weekends'.
Abhinav shook his head. Why would Akshara be relieved? She loved Kasauli more than me.
'No, I don't want to go back just now'.
'Why?'.
Abhinav met Akshara's gaze,'I don't know. Is that okay?'.
'Yes', replied Akshara and Abhinav sensed that she had answered both his questions - Yes to not returning to Kasauli now and yes to him not knowing why.

Abhinav turned to Nikkeji who he had refused twice today for some reason he didn't understand himself. He expected disappointment and maybe even anger from Nikkeji but instead he saw fear.
Abhinav was about to call him but Nikkeji ran away to his room. Abhinav felt yet again an overpowering need to sleep and he knew from experience that it was futile to resist. He couldn't even make it to his bedroom and Pushpak brought his pillow and bedcover and set it on the living room sofa in a jiffy. He felt Akshara soft lips on his forehead, heard a soft 'Sleep well' and just before he went under, Abhinav pondered what on Earth could possibly have caused him to refuse his Nikkeji's wish not once but twice today.