Abhinav

Part 19 - Premonition

Akshara sensed that something was terribly wrong with Abhir. It wasn't something definite; he looked the same, behaved the same.. Mother's Instinct. Her boy was going through something very difficult, lifting a burden beyond his age, something hidden.

Akshara caught an undertone of desperation in Abhir's voice, a slight clinginess in the way he held onto her, a barely controlled restlessness in his eyes whenever Abhinav left the room, no matter how briefly. Akshara could no longer brush aside her feelings as adjustment issues that Abhir was facing. Akshara tried asking Abhir indirectly, her fear of Abhir refusing to visit them on weekends overpowering her need to know the truth. Akshara's desire for Abhir to visit was no longer limited to her own wishes but to ensure that her son was safe, atleast physically. Akshara watched the deep frowns that creased Abhinav's forehead throughout the weekend and understood that he was picking up on Abhir's unusual behaviour too.

On Sunday night while Abhir was sleeping in their room, Akshara was in the kitchen, trying hard to puzzle out what might be bothering her boy. She heard Abhinav's slow footsteps. To be honest, she had been expecting him as she knew Abhinav wouldn't be able to sleep either while his Nikkeji was so troubled. Akshara met Abhinav's worrying, silent gaze with a steely resolve.

'Abhinav, I am not allowing Abhir to go to the Birlas anymore. Book our tickets. We are going back to our home in our Kasauli'.
'WHAT?'.
'I am not listening to anything. My son is suffering, our Nikkeji is going through hell.. Don't deny it, Abhinav! Don't put it down to adjustment issues! You wouldn't be here at this hour in the kitchen if you didn't think the issue was bigger than that!.. Our Abhir has been suffering for over a month and I can't bear that! I WON'T bear that! Pack up. We will leave as soon as Abhir wakes up. Mimi and Bade Papa will tackle the Birlas. We just need to leave. Just leave. Leave..'.

'Akshara, calm down! Just take a deep breath. One more.. One more. See, our Abhir is with us. He is sleeping peacefully in our room. We don't need to panic, do we? Relax, relax.. That's it!'
Akshara walked over to the sink and threw water on her face. No panic, Akshara. Abhir needs you! Akshara turned around, hands gripping the counter for support. She saw the denial on Abhinav's face and waited for him to elaborate.

'Akshara, you know how much I want Nikkeji to be happy. To be like a kid. Easy going, naughty, carefree like before. You know that. Yet I am against your idea. Our Goenka family, as powerful as they are, can't go against direct court orders! Think, Akshara! We can't be happy in Kasauli, knowing that our family is suffering here. And the Birlas! They won't leave us in peace anywhere on Earth. Do you want Abhir to see us being dragged away from him by the police? Do you not want him to have atleast this weekend respite, atleast a security in his mind that he can reach us anytime he wants?..'.

Akshara smacked the counter with her hand. ' What security? Abhir isn't sharing something big with us! When was the last time he smiled at you without you cracking PJs? Has he ever spoken about anything happening in school or Birla House with us. We waited and waited for things to normalise a bit. In the meanwhile, our son has emotionally distanced himself from us! Better he sees us getting dragged by the police, at least he will know that we never gave up on him, that he was never a burden to us!'.

Out of her mind with worry, Akshara sank on the chair, staring with pleading eyes at Abhinav. 'Abhinav, this is not the life we wanted for our miracle baby. This is not what we thought when I held on for Abhir's life and you held on to both of us on that stormy night. Our baby deserves better, Abhinav'.
Akshara watched the turmoil in Abhinav's eyes as he said, 'We will talk to Abhir's friends, his school teachers, Ruhi, Shivansh and Aarohi ji. We will get to the root of the problem. Tomorrow itself!'.

Akshara smiled wryly. Root of the problem. There was only one correct answer. Abhimanyu Birla. That Abhinav wasn't willing to acknowledge. His belief of biological parents being superior somehow wasn't letting him acknowledge. Akshara remembered Abhinav's reaction to the court appeal she had filed when he had recovered from his hallucination state.
'Sole custody, Akshara? Why? Why are we repeating the same mistake Abhimanyu did? We should have filed for joint custody. Abhir deserves both you and Abhimanyu in his life'.

Akshara's voice grew heavy with a fresh kind of pain. She didn't know before that with every pain that she thought was beyond endurance, a new one would appear, sharper than the previous one.
'Abhinav, I don't need your help to go back to our home. I know that ultimately you will support me. I won't do it because our son deserves better. He deserves his Papa who claims full right to being his Papa, not a half hearted one. We both know that Abhir loves you the most and I won't subject him to you being there while wishing Abhimanyu to be there instead'. Akshara heard Abhinav's vehement denial but she was past words at this point. She wanted actions. Actions that would bring Abhir, Abhinav and her back to being the Sharma family in Kasauli.

'I wouldn't stop Abhimanyu from being Abhir's father because of who he was as a husband. I have seen how he has behaved with Roohi, how he has behaved with Abhir, how he is as a person. But I am done convincing you, Abhinav. I give up'. Akshara saw an unbearable pain well up in Abhinav's eyes but today her words couldn't be stopped. Today, her eyes and mind could see nothing beyond Abhir's sufferings.

'Just remember, if.. if.. anything happens to Abhir,..'
'AKSHARA!..'
Akshara plodded on relentlessly, 'I will find it in my heart to forgive you because I love you. Abhir will forgive you too because he loves you too. The question is will you be able to forgive yourself?'.
Akshara saw the shock on Abhinav's face, and walked away to sleep with their boy, hoping that Abhinav would claim the right that Abhir had given him right on his birth when he had refused to breathe without his Papa there to hold him but knowing the demons of Abhinav's past would not be easily defeated.