Abhinav

Part 11 - Efforts (2)

Thursday Morning

'Abhinav! Bade Papa! Remember that jam order I got? The school principal called me to meet her today'.
'Another order, beta?'.
Akshara laughed. 'How sweet, Bade Papa! No, it's about the old order only. Remember I told you about Ruhi? The kid with the pineapple allergy? Her grandmother - Mrs. Manjari Birla - wants to meet me today. She has some concerns about the jams'.
Abhinav said, distressed. 'Don't go, Akshara'.
'Sharma ji, stop this typical husband behaviour. She will eat the jams, not the jam maker. Ruhi is about our son's age. It's valid to feel concerned'.
Abhinav shook his head. 'She hates you'.
Bade Papa watched, silent yet alert. The emergency injection rested in his pocket. He wouldn't fail Akshara and Abhinav ji again.
'Why would she hate me? She hasn't tasted my jams yet!', joked Akshara,'I have to meet her, Abhinav. I don't want any problems in my order'.
Abhinav held Akshara's hand. 'Manjari Aunty will humiliate you in front of everyone. You won't be able to bear it. Forgot the hospital incident?'.
Yes! Come on, Abhinav. We are so close. Remember our boy.
'Why will a stranger humiliate me? Are you sure you are not mistaking her for someone else? Look at the time! I need to leave, Abhinav'.
'Manjari Aunty holds you responsible for the death of Neil and Abh..That..child..miscarriage..Abhimanyu', trailed off Abhinav.

Abhinav fumbled at Abhir's name again, thought Akshara, getting frustrated. Being an orphan, Abhinav had developed a resilience far greater than normal. This was working against him and me now. Akshara looked at Abhinav's exhausted face, the deep circles under his eyes, the void within. She reached out, caressing his face.
Be strong, Akshara. He's trying. It's getting better. No 'Nikkeji' interuppted today.

'Yes, Abhinav. I remember. And now you remember too. I have no meeting with Manjari Aunty. However, I do have a few law firms to go to. For interviews. So, I will see you later. Take rest'.
'Why did you lie?'. Abhinav sounded upset.
'You know why, Abhinav. Think about it'. Akshara nodded at Bade Papa and left for her interviews.

Saturday Morning

'Akshara, what happened?'. She heard Abhinav's worried voice.

Our son chose to go for a school camp to avoid us. That's what happened. It's been 14 days and he doesn't want to look at us. What will we fight for? Our son hasn't gone, he is lost. You have your 'Nikkeji', Abhinav. I neither have Abhir nor do I have you.

Muskaan entered the living room from the kitchen. 'Bhai ji, he isn't coming'.
Akshara waited for the follow up, 'Who?' but the question didn't come. She looked at Abhinav in surprise and saw her grief mirrored there.
Abhinav is healing, Akshara. You can't give up. For Abhinav's sake.

Akshara said, her voice devoid of any emotion, 'Abhinav, Nikkeji has been playing or roaming the entire time he has been here. He has been neglecting his studies. Would you take a follow up with him like you used to in Kasauli? I want to go to the Temple'.
She felt the hesitation in Abhinav's silence. The dilemma. Of being there for her versus giving her the space she needed. She knew he would choose what she needed.
'Of course, Akshara. I will check up right now. Don't worry'. Akshara heard the unspoken about anything.
Akshara nodded and left.

'Nikkeji, leave your mobile games and come here', Abhinav patted Nikkeji's study chair. Nikkeji came, looking defeated and a little scared. 'Such a long face! It's just studies, my topper yaara', said Abhinav, ruffling Abhir's hair, lovingly. 'Okay, teach me what you have learnt till now', said Abhinav, enthusiastically.
This is what they always did in Kasauli. Abhir loved becoming Abhinav's teacher. This way Abhir stayed interested in studies, his doubts got noted and later cleared by Akshara and his revision got done. Abhinav always looked forward to these weekly sessions, his chest swelling with pride at how smart his son was.

'Eight plus one is nine. Six minus one is five'.
Abhinav frowned. 'Nikkeji', interuppted Abhinav, 'you already knew all this. What have you learnt this year?'.
'I have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose, 1 mouth.', said Nikkeji, nervously.
'Nikkeji, show me your school books'. Abhinav flipped open the Maths notebook he had covered himself and found page after page blank. It was the same for every subject book.
'What's this?', said Abhinav, in shock, pain building up in his head,' I have seen you attending online classes, Nikkeji. I have readied you for them myself. You are not lazy, not insincere. How can all pages be blank?'. Abhinav looked at Nikkeji who looked back at him, tensed.
Abhinav felt his heart beating faster.

'Nikkeji, last Saturday, when we came back, you looked scared. I asked you later about it but you insisted it was nothing. Everyone behaves differently with you but you don't seem to care. You are always happy, never tired, never complain', said Abhinav, realising just now how much had changed, 'You are not worried about my reaction to you, that I may shout or punish you. Rather you are worried for me. Something's wrong with me, isn't it, Nikkeji? Please, yaara, I trust you completely. Tell your Papa the truth'.

Nikkeji said, sadly. 'You have realised, haven't you, Papa? I tried to protect you. To save you. But I lost. No point in pretending now. You have always loved him and Akshara more than yourself and I am you. What chance did I have against them?'.
'Nikkeji, calling your mother by her name? That's not right, where are you learning all this from?'.
Nikkeji looked straight in Abhinav's eyes as he asked. 'You are my Papa. Am I your Nikkeji?'.
Abhinav grew concerned at the question and wanted to respond with a resounding yes. The word wouldn't roll off his tongue. Abhinav forced himself, aware of how much the delay was hurting Nikkeji but try as he might, Abhinav couldn't agree that the boy in front of him was his Nikkeji.

Nikkeji got up to leave. 'If I am not Nikkeji, then who am I? Once you remember him, once you remember his name, I will not exist. He will. You will always, always choose him over everyone. He loves you, you know that. He may not say it but he needs you, so for his sake, don't lose yourself. Take care'.

Abhinav let out a cry of pain as his head exploded. 'Bhai ji!'. He heard Muskaan come rushing in the room, felt her force medicines and water in his mouth and after some time, he felt better. 'Muskaan?'.
'Yes, Bhai ji?'.
'Am I chronically ill? Am I going to die?'.
'Bhai ji!', said Muskaan, furiously,' don't ever think like that again!'.
'Something is wrong, isn't it? Something is wrong with me, isn't it? Please tell me the truth. I am fatigued, Muskaan. I can't take it anymore'.
Muskaan wiped her tears as she spoke,'You know the truth, Bhai ji. You have always known it. Take rest now, Bhai ji'. Muskaan dimmed the lights as she left the room.

You know the truth, Bhai ji, Muskaan's voice echoed in Abhinav's mind. Muskaan would never lie to him. That name, thought Abhinav sleepily, that one glorious name was the key that unlocked all solutions. That name was the truth and there was no greater truth than the holder of that name. He had to reach the owner of that beautiful name that.. kept him alive. His Nikkeji. His Abh..