The cure for one is the cure for the other (PaperHat Fic) [Ongoing]

Practice

I take a deep breath to regain my composure,
"Sit down and eat your food before I decide to eat your food too."

"I'll have you know, I was enjoying my meal~ you're the on who fell into ME, remember?" He teases

"Fine. I suppose I'll just keep to myself while we're eating~" I tease back

He puts his palm on the back of my hand, and slips his fingers between mine.
He guides my hand to his face, and places the palm of my hand on his cheek.

"I never said I didn't like it."
He says leaning into my touch.

I feel myself short circuit.

I feel like our dynamic has changed drastically from even a few hours ago.
I like this side of black hat, it's a drastic, and unexpected change,
but... a welcome one.
The emotional whiplash is exhausting, not in a bad way, but in a noticeable way.

I haven't done much physically, but mentally, I feel like I've ran 10 miles.
But,
I'm also really happy, and excited? and a little scared.
I'm not sure how this will turn out, or if there is a way this can turn out in a positive way.
The future is so uncertain, I feel like it all relies on this one man. and I'm terrified.

But also, I can't stop myself from being happy that it's happening at all.
I feel like I wouldn't care if he's just experimenting, or if he gets tired of me after a while.
As long as I get to have him, even for a little while, even just for a moment.
I feel like, that would be enough...

I recognize that this might not be a very healthy way of thinking,
but I don't really care.

"I can feel you overthinking again." He says with a sigh, snapping me from my thoughts.
He lets go of me and takes a step back, giving me some space.
leaving the space around me feel empty.

I look up at him, his expression is somewhere between flustered and somewhat sad?
For someone who tries to be so secretive, he's really bad at hiding his expressions.

"Too much?" I hear him say quietly.
And a wave of guilt washes over me.

"No, no, no! Not at all." I say quickly.

I close my eyes and try to gather my thoughts.
I need to choose my words carefully, but, I can't find the words to adequately describe what I'm feeling.

I open my eyes to find black hat staring, still a few steps away from where I was standing.
patiently waiting for me to regroup myself.

I sigh.
"I don't know how to say what I want to say,
my brain feels all... weird?
It feels fast,
too fast to process everything.
I feel, overwhelmed. but... good?"
I try desperately to explain,
but judging by the confused look on black hat's face, it wasn't coming across how I wanted it to.

"the words aren't coming out right." I say defeated
Black hat just turns his head to the side, trying to understand.

If I could just pinpoint this feeling in my chest, then I could explain it to him.

Or maybe...
I'm just overcomplicating things.

I take a few steps forward and reach out, grabbing the fabric of his coat.
"You're making me feel things." I blurt out.

He looks at me surprised, a hint of red showing up on his face from my sudden confession.
"You make me feel things..." I reiterate
"It's different, it's overwhelming, it's scary.
but, I don't want you to stop either...." I say trailing off,
suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"I'm not upset with you." I quickly add on.
"I'm embarrassed, and tired, and hungry."
I look up at him and I can see the relief on his face.

He sighs,
"Hungry I can fix." He says with a smile.