Love of Our Lives

Chapter 41 - The Hurtful Past Part 2

- Flashbacks of what happened to me back when I was in Junior School -

- Warning: Some words used in following chapters may be offensive and the description of the scenarios maybe a little explicit -

Back then I was still in Junior School and I met this guy named Matthew. He wasn't the best looking guy and a lot of my friends actually questioned me what did I actually see in him. He don't have the looks, his teeth doesn't look good either. He doesn't dress up himself well enough too. But I just like him! I should say I love him a lot...too much to begin with. I met him through a friend's gathering at East Coast Park. We happened to have a common friend named Raymond. I knew him much earlier in my school days and he was quite good looking and he even had a few suitors back then. He was just a year older than me and he was quite a nice friend too.

Back then, I was attached to this guy whom I have met through an online game and he stays all the way at the west side of the country while I am staying at the east side. We seldom meet up due to our schedules are quite hard to match with one another's. Even when we meet up, we don't really behave like couples. I felt quite distant from him. I don't feel that I am his girlfriend at all. Soon, the feelings started to fade away. So while at our friend's gathering in the park, they had BBQ and all. I was then being introduced to Matthew. After chatting for a while, I got to know that he has a girlfriend who stays at the west side too and his situation is the same as mine. He seldom meet up with his girlfriend too and they don't behave like couples as well. Seeing that we are both in such a common and relatable situations. I felt quite comforted that I wasn't alone.

As we continue to chat further, I found myself being attracted to him and to his personality. He was such a cheery, friendly, helpful guy that I have ever encountered so far. Later that night while we were chatting and strolling along the beach together with our friends, I felt someone holding my hand. To my surprise, it was Matthew's hand. But at that point of time, I don't feel uneasy or do I actually feel uncomfortable. I let him hold onto my hands for quite some time and he let go off it, feeling embarrassed. He then suggested something that would never have crossed my mind. He asked "Why don't we be each other's part-time boyfriend and girlfriend?" I was shocked but I did not reject his suggestion. I quietly agreed.

So as the days went by, our love for one another grew stronger and stronger. And we decided in unison that we will break off with our current boyfriend and girlfriend and be together officially since we don't feel any love from them at all. So in the end, we did break off with them respectively. Then one day when I was with my friends at this bench under our school block chit chatting around, Matthew came over with his friends. Suddenly, all of them surrounding us and Matthew went down on one of his knee and asked me with his warmest smile "Will you be my girlfriend?" Our friends are all cheering and making noises while Matthew asked me the question. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and I know that I like him too as well. So I agreed to be his girlfriend and we were in a relationship since then.

We had been together close to a year and he had to go for his military service. So we met up lesser than usual. I would just go to the camp where he was in and just waited for him to book out. He gets to book out every Fridays or so. So I will wait for him outside his camp for him to come out and then we will hang out together until he has to book in again. This continued on for quite awhile. I was quite active in school for events and such. So I had volunteered to be one of the guides to our local museum. I was feeling so excited on the day itself and I wanted to do a good job out of it. I managed to tour them around and this event lasted for almost the whole afternoon.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I looked at my phone and it was Matthew. I quickly picked up his call only to hear him saying "Let's break up. I feel so stressed up and you are like a burden to me while I am serving my military service." I didn't know what to say or to reply. I was lost for words. He called me just to tell me that? I thought to myself. Soon later, tears started to form in my eyes and I started crying. My lecturer was shocked and asked me what had happened. I told her what happened and she tried to console me but she failed. I was lying on the table, crying harder. I was so in love with him and he suddenly just wants to break up with me? What did I even do to make him feel that I was a burden to him? I really cannot understand why. I kept questioning myself again and again. I was feeling really low in mood. I don't have any energy or mood to do anything.

There was this day when I went to the park alone, looking at the sea from this huge rock that I was standing on and wanted to end my life there. I looked at those scribbles that we did on the rock and cried. I really want to end my life at this instance. I was already looking down at the sea, wanting to jump down. But I just couldn't do it. Maybe I was feeling timid and don't have the courage to do so. All I could do is just crying my eyes out. I still meet up with my friends, etc. One day this guy friend whom I haven't met up for a long time had asked me out. He knew what happened to me and comforted me with his words.

"I know that you are hurt by Matthew. But will you please give me the chance for me to be your boyfriend? I will treat you better than him do." Anson asked with this look in his eyes. I was shocked by his sudden question. Perhaps I was feeling way too down to think of anything in a rational manner. I agreed for him to be my boyfriend. He looked damn happy and held my hand. He sent me home that day and he himself is staying at the west side...Oh well~~~ His parents, his elder sister and his younger brother has then met me when I went over to Anson's place almost every weekend. Traveling from the east to west side takes me almost 1 hour plus to 2 hours. His parents and siblings all like me from how the way they treated me. His father would always remind him to send me back home because I am a girl and it's too dangerous for me to go back myself, etc.