Then Where Is Home?

Chapter 24

TW for this chapter: Panic attack, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, passing out, screaming/fighting, past violence mention, past abuse mention, begging to die, smoking cigarettes, weed

Ranboo didn't know where he was going, he was still in panic mode by the time he got in the truck and backed out of the driveway. He wasn't even sure where he was supposed to be going at this point.

All he knew is that he hurt Tubbo, Tubbo was mad at him, maybe even afraid of him. Ranboo couldn't live with Tubbo being afraid of him. He couldn't live with being an abusive monster, like the family before Tubbo's when he was in foster care.

He would rather kill himself than be like them, but it was too late at this point, wasn't it? He was a monster, so the next course of action had to be taken. He had to kill himself.

But he was just reminded by Tubbo to get help if he was thinking about suicide. At the same time he wasn't sure who would help him.

Eventually Ranboo pulled over on the side of the road, unsure of where he was or what was even happening. He was bawling at the wheel, confused and upset. He wanted to die but he promised Tubbo he wouldn't go without getting help.

Would Tubbo even want Ranboo to keep that promise? Or did he think Ranboo was better off dead than being a monster?

In his pocket he felt his phone buzz, almost nonstop. He didn't bother checking it, afraid that Tubbo had told everyone how much of a monster he was. He probably deserved it, but he didn't want to face that quite yet.

Ranboo continued to lose his mind, while at the same time he tried to think of logical ways he could kill himself without causing too much of a problem.

He could drive off the road, crash into a tree, or even find the same fucking bridge Liam jumped off of. Maybe that was the best way to go.

Ranboo put the truck in drive, determined to find that bridge. He set off trying to find it, but he didn't even know where he was now.

It took a while, he wasn't sure how long he was driving for but he found it. He knew it was the one because it was the same one they had found Tommy on months ago. He pulled over and put the truck in park again.

He felt so broken sitting there, planning his death. Hopefully it wouldn't be too painful, but if it was he probably deserved it.

Again he didn't know how much time had passed, of him just sitting there again and sobbing his heart out. But what he did know is suddenly his door flew open, someone was leaning over him and grabbing the keys out of the ignition.

Ranboo panicked, thinking he was being robbed at this point, but when he pulled his head away he saw Wilbur standing there, keys in his hand.

"Wilbur?" Ranboo sobbed out and Wilbur nodded, reaching over to hug Ranboo. Ranboo just let it happen, sobbing in Wilbur's arms.

"It's okay Ranboo, I got you." Wilbur said but that just made Ranboo sob even harder.

"I hurt Tubbo, I hurt him and I'm a fucking monster!" Ranboo sobbed but Wilbur shook his head.

"You're not, Ranboo, you're human, not a monster." Wilbur said but Ranboo just freaked out more, if that was even possible.

"I fucking hurt him! I'm just like my old foster family! I'm fucking cruel and I hurt people!" Ranboo sobbed and suddenly the other door to truck flew open, Tommy scrambling inside and jumping to also hug Ranboo. "No! I'll hurt you guys too!" he protested.

"You could almost kill me and I wouldn't fucking care Ranboo." Tommy said, muffled a bit since he was buried into Ranboo's shoulder.

"I care! I fucking care Tommy! I don't want to hurt you too!" Ranboo screamed but neither of them flinched.