Junebug • TWD

52. Interlude: Dear Uncle Merle.

Dear Uncle Merle,

I know that you don't like it when I go on yappin' too much, so I'm gonna try to make this a not-too-long letter. That might be hard, though, because I feel like, because I knew no one liked me going on and on for too long, I kept a lot of things to myself and I never got the chance to say them. I still do, I think. So I have a lot to say. I'll just try to say it fast when I'm reading it to you. I'm not a good reader, though, so maybe it won't be that fast. Now I'm just saying too much again. I'll get to it.

For your whole life, with your momma being gone and your daddy being who he was, I don't think you ever got to be told that you're good. Like in your heart. I don't think you or my dad did. I don't think Grandpa Will ever told you. But I just think you should know that I know that you always had good in your heart, even if you want to act like that's not true. I know you did. Every single thing you did, even the bad ones, were because you had good in your heart, I think.

Momma says you were loyal to a fault. I'm underlining that because I think that's the most important part. You were the loyalest person in the whole wide world, I think. You never, ever gave up on your family, even when your family wasn't so good. You were looking for Daddy and me for years, even after you got left up on that rooftop. You found us and you helped us get out of Woodbury, even though that was your then-home. And even though you knew that the people we were with hated your guts. You still helped us all get out because you are loyal.

But that loyalness could be bad sometimes. Sometimes you were so loyal you made really dumb decisions. Daddy always complained about how you were so impulsive. He's impulsive, too, though. I think it might be because, when you were growing up, whenever you had something it good, it got taken away. So when you had even the smallest chance of getting something good, you had to take it because it's the only chance you got.

No one understands that type of us stuff except for me, though. I can tell when I see their anger. Everyone in the world except for me, it seems like, gets so angry that they can't even try to think about what the other people are thinking. Rick hated you so much he never tried thinking about how there was good in your heart. And people hate each other because they don't think about how other people are thinking.

Maybe I think too much and the way the world works is how it's supposed to work, but I just think that if everyone thought about other people's thoughts a little bit more, maybe the world wouldn't be so angry and cruel. Maybe you would still be alive. Maybe lots of people would still be alive.

I mean, this is the end of the world, I think. I don't see how we're gonna build back up as humans, with people dying left and right. Maybe there is a chance, though. It's just that it's the end of the world, and maybe there'll be no humans left alive in a hundred years, and we all know that, and we keep killing each other, anyway.

I'm getting off-topic, I think. All I'm trying to say is that I understand you.

I've always felt like no one at all understands me. Not fully. And I think it would be a big relief to feel understood, so I'm telling you, I understand you. I really do, I think. You were a good person. You need to know that at least somebody recognized that in you.

I know I didn't always act like it. I didn't get to tell you. But I was going to. I was always trying to understand you, even when I was so, so angry at you, I tried to understand, and I think I did and I think I do. I wanted to tell you. I swear, I was gonna talk to you, but Daddy said not this time. And then you were gone and you never came back. I promise I was gonna tell you.

Also, when you make mistakes a lot, I feel like people tell you you're bad a lot. But you're not bad at all. And I forgive you for the mistakes you made that hurt me. I can't promise everyone else does, too, because they don't think like I do. But I can promise that I forgive you. Not just because you're dead, either. But because I understand you now.

And also because I don't like hating people. I think holding a grudge, especially against someone you love so much, hurts too bad.

Other people, though, do hate you and they don't forgive you. I know that for a fact. And you gotta know that they're right for that. You made mistakes and they hurt people, and it's up to those people to decide whether or not they forgive you. They got every right to feel how they feel. No one can take that right away from them, not even since you're dead. Maybe I'm not supposed to tell dead people this type of stuff, either, but I think I'm telling myself a little bit, too.

It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to not forgive people. I have every right to hold a grudge and so does everybody else. I just don't want to, I don't think. And other people aren't bad for wanting to. It's up to them. Them only.

Like you can hate Grandpa Will and Dad can hate Grandpa Will, and you both have every right to. You never have to forgive him if you don't want to, and that's okay. I don't think Dad forgives him. Not since that one time Grandpa got drunk and hit me hard on my face. Dad never forgave him for that, I don't think, because ever since, I barely ever saw Grandpa.

I know hitting people, especially kids, is really, really awful and evil. I know that. I just don't know if everyone else always does, especially when their parents made them think it was just a part of life. And that's why I think I forgive you and my dad for when I got spankings or when I got little hits on the back of my head. You even smacked me every once in a long time, and Dad did that once, too. But I think I forgive you guys for that.

The reason why I do is because, both of you, as soon as you realized how evil it was, you never once did it again. Dad started realizing it just about a month after Grandpa died at the beginning of the end of everything, and it took you a lot longer. I'm never gonna hurt my kids. Never ever. Because I know how evil it is and I know that it is not normal. I don't think you or my dad knew that. Almost everyone you were around thought it was normal, too. It's because you were raised sad and so was everyone you were around.

I'm sorry I'm going on for so long. I just feel like I really, really gotta explain everything I'm thinking just in case you don't understand it right. I just think that there is a lot of good in the world. I think the world is good. I just think that people have hurt and they don't know what to do with it, so they use it wrong. I don't think I'd be able to understand the world at all if it was evil and everyone in it was, too, so all I have is to know that it's good and the people in it are learning. It's everyone's first time being alive. I'm just a kid, too. Maybe I'm wrong about all of it.

Uncle Merle, I love you and I forgive you for the mistakes you made, and I know that there is good in your heart. And I understand you. No one else will understand what I'm saying, though. Because they'll think of it in their own way, I guess. You'll think of it in your own way, too, and that's good.

The point is, I miss you already, even though you were annoying sometimes. And I love you and I'm proud of you for trying to be better and for helping us. I hope you can hear this. I hope you're okay now. I understand you. I love you.

Love,
Juni

🪲🪲🪲🪲

I hope you enjoyed this teeny tiny little chapter of Juniper pouring her heart, soul, and mind onto a piece of paper. P.S. Her spelling was not good in this letter. I corrected it for her. You're welcome, June.

The next chapter will be season 4 !!!