Memories of the past [Kazuscara]

February 2, 1987/Chapter 5

They rarely met, as it was always by luck, as neither knew the other's address...
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[February 2, 1987]

Scaramouche found a house near a forest full of water, the forest was kind of haunted, as it looked scary, but Scaramouche wasn't afraid.

As Kazuha likes to explore, he was in the forest, a little scared. He saw Scaramouche sitting on the roof of the house, looking up at the moonlight.

The moonlight was beautiful that night, and it reflected on their faces, but Kazuha didn't feel afraid.
Kazuha approached Scaramouche, and slowly hugged him from behind.
He wanted to help him see how beautiful this moment really was.
He wanted to help him learn how to enjoy it.
But, he was not sure how Scaramouche would react to the sudden embrace.

Scaramouche shivered, he quicky pulled Kazuha away.
"What are you doing?! And why are you here?!"
He looked at Kazuha, annoyed.

Kazuha was taken aback by that reaction, he felt some disappointment, though he did not show it on his face.
He just wanted to show him how beautiful and peaceful it was, but... he wasn't ready to accept it. That was fine, he understood.
Scaramouche was not a bad person, he wasn't used to receive genuine affection, that was all.
Maybe one day, he could see it.
So, he responded with a smile.
"Just thought I could give you a nice surprise, that's all."

"Nice?! Having you here is everything but nice!"
Scara replied, with an angry tone of voice and annoyed expression, just like always.

"I see, I see." Kazuha tried to ignore that comment, he didn't want this to lead to a fight.
He would be patient, Scaramouche deserved only the best.
He was not a bad person, he just had problems to deal with, and Kazuha was there to help.
He went to sit next to Scaramouche, so they could be face to face.
"I just wanted to spend some time with you."

Scaramouche stared at Kazuha, with an expression tired of listening to Kazuha.
"And why?"

Kazuha decided to speak honestly, but not harshly.
Scaramouche deserved all the love and care of the world.
Even if he didn't think he did.
So, he spoke clearly, with a smile.
"I wanted to see you, because you're important to me. I'm your friend. So, I was hoping we could spend some time together."

Scaramouche sighed loudly, he wanted to scream but he was too tired for that.
"Fuck off."
He lay down in the roof.

Kazuha decided to be bold. He had heard enough from Scaramouche to understand what he was going through.
He decided to hug him tightly, knowing that his embrace would help to convey all the affection he felt for him.
It was strange, to know that he was hugging a puppet, but... it didn't matter anymore.
Scaramouche is as alive as anybody else.
He just wanted to give him a taste of how a real hug felt.

Scaramouche got angry and yelled.
"WHAT ARE YOU DO-"
Before Scaramouche could speak, he stopped, feeling...comfort.
He tucked an arm into Kazuha's back, close to Kazuha's waist, and was breathing rapidly, wanting to let go but at the same time keep it that way.

Kazuha smiled as he felt Scaramouche's arms wrap around him. He did not know if he should say anything, or if he should just stay silent.
So, he smiled, knowing that his embrace helped calm him.
He would keep that hug as long as Scaramouche felt comfortable with it, no rush.
Kazuha just wanted to tell him that he loved him, that he really did love him, even if Scaramouche did not realize it yet.

Scaramouche continued to have one hand on Kazuha's waist, while his other hand was gripping the roof.
He took a deep breath.

Kazuha stayed silent, enjoying this moment with Scaramouche.
He enjoyed hearing the sounds of Scaramouche's breath, it was like music to his ears.
He had never felt this much affection for anyone.
So, he let Scaramouche be as he wished, not forcing any conversation.

Scaramouche stopped, he wouldn't let himself be affected by affection.
He stopped and pushed Kazuha away with force, causing Kazuha to get hurt.

Kazuha gasped as he was pushed away, still trying to recover from the shock.
"Scaramouche... that hurt."
He did not expect Scaramouche to react like that.
His body was hurting, and his heart broke a little.
"Why did he push him away?"
"Was he not deserving of any affection?"
"Did Scaramouche think he was mocking him in some way?"
These thoughts entered his mind.
But, he was calm.
Kazuha was patient.

Scaramouche sighed, returning to his arrogant personality.
"If you got hurt, it's your problem, idiot. Don't touch me anymore."
He spoke, with an indifferent tone.

Kazuha was hurt, both physically and emotionally.
Why was he speaking like that to him, when all he wanted was to help Scaramouche in some way?
Did he do something wrong, or was it because of his pride?
He was feeling a little down, but he still kept a kind smile, though it was a little sad, for the first time.
He was very confused, and he asked Scaramouche a question, as his expression was full of kindness.
"Why are you so mean?"

"I'm not mean, I'm honest and I say what I think, if you don't like it, that's your problem."
Scaramouche spoke, his voice rough and angry, but inside... he was happy.

Honest...?
Yes, that was it.
Scaramouche was not being rude or mean, he was just expressing his feelings.
His feelings were raw and genuine, but they were his feelings.
Kazuha needed to accept it.
So, he said in a calm voice.
"In that case, you don't like my affection, right?"
As he expected, Scaramouche didn't deny it.

Scaramouche sighed, looking straight into Kazuha's eyes, expressing no feelings.
"No, that's not it."
He said.

That moment was one that will never leave Kazuha's memory.

That look in his eyes... he was just... so... different.
Kazuha had no words.
What could he say to ease that situation?
No, the question was. What could he do? Nothing at all.
So, he did what felt the best.
He hugged Scaramouche once again, firmly and with no hesitation.

Scaramouche sighed, this was starting to hurt him too, but it had to be.
He pulled Kazuha away.
"Do not touch me."
Scara climbed out of the roof of the house.

Kazuha's heart broke once more, but he did not have a choice. He had to respect what Scaramouche wanted.
He felt sad and confused, but he had to accept that reality was harsher than he thought.
Scaramouche was not ready to accept affection, that's all.
Kazuha was patient, and no matter what... he would never give up.

Before going away, Scara turned his head to look at Kazuha.
He made an irritated expression and took a step forward, facing what was in front of him now.

Kazuha looked at him, trying to keep his heart calm in that moment.
He wondered what was going through Scaramouche's head right now.
He felt that he would say something harsh again. And he was right.

He heard Scaramouche say with an annoyed tone of voice.
"I'm not your friend."

That was painful to hear, but... Kazuha understood..Scaramouche was not yet ready to accept it.

Scaramouche left, he didn't show any emotion.

That day, Kazuha felt very sad and as if his effort was worthless. Kazuha had gone home to sleep...