The day I decided to live
I wish I remember the date
It was the day I decided to work
The day I put in effort
A motivation that came from a dark realization
That life was not a temporary thing
A realization that I would be breathing for a while
A long time actually
Ridiculous to some
Relatable to others
So I decided to work
To start using the air I breathed
To use the feet I stood on to do some actually work
Easier said than done
And no one tells you that depression doesn't goes away
They really don't
They explain to you that "it gets better"
And you always assume the "it" they're referring to
Is the depression
The "it
is actually the coping
It's the work you've been doing tirelessly
Day in and day out
That apparently gets easier
And with that comes new challenges
Now it's been 2 years since I was "cured"
Medically speaking
And it hasn't gotten easier
In a sense sure I don't want to kill myself everyday
But I still think about it every day
I still think about how easy it would be
And even how I would do it
But I never want to all the time
Moreover, the "skills" that have been drilled into me since 15
The ones that we had to memorize
That we had to pick a favorite and share with the class
Yeah those are forgotten
If you asked me today what the "ACCEPT" stands for
I couldn't tell you
Because whether or not I use it
(I don't)
It's very insignificant
I usually restore to default so to say
I stuff down my feelings
And let them out every so often
