there's a nest of spiders
growing on my balcony
in the neck of my railing
hidden from view
but I found it anyway
i ponder now if I should brush it off
or let the baby spiders
see the world around them
breathe in the air I breathe
and see what I see
should I let them reside on my railing
growing everyday
and soon being released into the open air
or should I prevent that now
I really don't mind spiders
at least the daddy-long-legs
and the small ones
but the big black ones scare me
I don't see the mother
maybe she left
maybe these baby spiders are orphans
just like me
if that's the case
there is no question if I should let them live or not
they deserve to live the life they were given
regardless of if anyone can take care of them
they will fight on their own
I don't know why I'm writing about spiders
perhaps they provide a deeper symbol
of something inside me
an orphan in a world I did not create
I only exist in
and maybe I hope they will praise me
for letting them live
or maybe they will scorn me
despising me for making them live
unparented
alone
not knowing how to live
in a big world with many problems
maybe they will grow to hate me
for all of the roadblocks that I didn't warn them about
although I knew existed
maybe they will disappear
and never come back
maybe their lives will go on
and I will never have the privilege
of seeing them grow
and breathe
and move
and live in this world
I gave them
maybe one day
they will be adults
and one of the more grateful spiders
will come back
visit me
and sit
listen to my stories
of how they came to be on my balcony
of the neck in which they were born
maybe I will tell them of how I never knew their mother
how her existence to me was never known
how this spider and I are quite similar
trying to piece together
the mystery
that is their mother
maybe this spider will see this
forgive me
and share the news with his brothers and sisters
and maybe they will come to visit me
and maybe they'll return with spouses
and maybe they'll live on my railing
and one day
I'll see a nest of spiders
waiting to be born
and I'll know
that I will always see their mothers
and fathers
for those abandoned
never abandon their own
