Pain of Love - Tom Kaulitz

Breathe

I gasp in ragged breaths, one after the other. Desperate for a clear airway to inhale properly. When it doesn't come, my panic increases and my heart palpitates, pumping in quick thuds which only makes matters worse.

Tom peers down at me with an intense gaze and a set jaw.

"I-I can't breathe.." I choke out. I'm not really sure why I tell him this because I don't exactly expect him to have the courtesy to do anything.

But I watch in shock as his features soften and the fire in his eyes die down. He kneels down beside me, placing his forearms on the peaks of his knees.

He lets out a small breath through his nose and purses his lips.

"Why c-can't I breathe?" I manage to say, my chest rising and falling at an alarming rate as tears drip down my rosy cheeks.

"You're having a panic attack." Tom speaks calmly, his voice surprisingly soothing. I watch with wild eyes as he begins to remove the leather gloves wrapped around his hands. He places them on the ground beside us as I watch his now bare hands in suspense.

What is he doing?

He extends an arm out to me to which my eyes widen and I move away out of instinct.

"Do-don't.." The words slip out through rapid breaths in an act of defence. He pauses mid action, his brows furrowing together.

"You need to relax. Let me help you." He tells me, his eyes have a glint of concern in them.

With the realisation that I have no choice if I wish to return to my normal state, I nod slowly. He takes that as permission to resume his action.

He reaches over to my upper arm and lightly touches it. My body stiffens at the skin to skin contact.

"I know it seems impossible right now but I need you to breathe slowly for me, okay?" His request lacks it's usual controlling aspect, and unlike the last few times he had asked something of me, his words are careful, gentle.

I try and do what he asks with great difficulty, the only thing I can think of is my parents and the weapon that was used to take their lives. The weapon that he uses.

He begins to slowly graze his fingers down my bare arm in a tentative manner. Despite the warmth his fingers provide, I still manage to shiver from the contact. I look into his hazel eyes and watch as they intently fixate on my arm and his fingers trickling slowly against the skin.

His movements pause once he reaches the red marks imprinted on my wrist, where he had grabbed me moments prior. Tom's lips part slightly in shock and I watch as the cold winter air escapes them in tiny clouds. He smooths his thumb over the irritated area in a back and forth motion.

He eventually meets my gaze again and inhales deeply through his nose, gesturing for me to do the same. I replicate his actions as best I can. He then exhales through his mouth, not breaking eye contact throughout all.

When I do the same he gives me a small smile. "That's good." He almost whispers to me. "Again."

We repeat the process a couple more times and I'm surprised to find that his methods are beginning to work. I'm even more surprised when he places one of his knees on the concrete for support and brings both of his arms out to me, pulling me close to his chest, my body sitting in between his legs.

I stiffen in his hold as both his hands reach around me, one behind my neck, the other on my lower back.

"You need to relax, that's the only way this will work." He says lowly. I feel the vibrations of his deep voice with my head against his chest.