Pain of Love - Tom Kaulitz

Can't Stand Losing You

A/N: I feel guilty for writing this cause I said I'd study instead but here we are. I hate school. Drop a comment if u relate <33

As Nick and I walk to where Ashton is said to be, the churning nerves in my stomach increase, becoming impossible to ignore.

"Nick? Can we talk first? Like—alone," I suggest quickly, deciding that I'm more comfortable with explaining myself to just my brother for now, knowing it won't go down well with Ashton.

"Uh.. sure. But what about Ashton?"

"I just wanna talk with you first. You know how he can be."

"So I—" I pause, taking a deep breath to calm myself. "Firstly, I want you to know that I wasn't kidnapped."

He stops walking, inspecting me as if I've gone mad. "What? I saw what happened, Lily. For fuck's sake, I wanted to call the police but Ashton said it was pointless. That we'd be better off looking for you ourselves."

"You guys looked for me?"

"We've been trying. But Jesus, it was like you vanished. If that isn't a kidnapping I don't know what is."

"Well, if you can't tell, I'm fine, Nick," I reiterate, gesturing to myself.

"By some miracle," he mutters beneath his breath. "What the hell does Tom even want with you anyway?"

"It's complicated," I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "It's a mutual thing—"

"Lily, you know you can tell me the truth, right? Whatever fucked up lie he's forced you to say doesn't matter. We'll help you okay? We'll get you back—"

"For Christ's sake, he didn't abduct me! It's not like that Nick, I swear. Tom is not some monster like everyone thinks. He's been helping me, he's... he's been kind to me."

Nick's features twist into ones of horror, not only as if what I've said is completely absurd, but as though he's piecing together the deeper meaning of my words. "Oh my god, don't tell me you're in some kind of thing with him."

"What? No!" I immediately deny the truth, his ability to read me like a book completely failing me.

I then let out a sigh and give in, my gaze flickering briefly to the crowd around us as I gather my thoughts. "Look it's--it's also complicated. These past few weeks have been really hard and.. he's been there for me. But it's not like we're dating or anything."

"Have you forgotten who he is? What he did to Ashton? He's a murderer and a criminal, Lily. You need to get away from him."

"You won't make that decision for me," I respond flatly, having managed to see past what he does for a living, my feelings now far too strong. Whether that's morally correct, however, is another thing.

"Jesus, he's got you brainwashed."

"No he hasn't, Nick! Everything that has happened this month was my choice. I chose to stay with Tom. And I'm sorry that I left you both, I really am. I didn't mean for it to plan out this way. But I won't have you giving me shit about my relationship with him on top of that."