𝐟-𝐛𝐨𝐲. ↬ j.jungkook (?)

[FORTY-TWO]

Have you ever had a dream come true only to be met with the feeling of... well, nothing?

"I like you." 

It was all she wanted to hear, it was all she used to think about. Although, she supposed the operative word in that sentence was used to. But if that was the case, when did she stop pining after Min Yoongi? And how was this fair? 

The silence stretched on between them, but Yoongi's expression remained soft and unapologetic, his hands seeking refuge within his front pockets as he fell back onto the balls of his feet, choosing to look outwards towards the merging silhouette of the treetops and night sky, "I meant it," He said, voice relatively small, warming the air between them, "You don't have to give me an answer now. I just wanted to let you know."

Sucking in her lips, Sooyoung finally mustered the courage to look at him, her eyebrows weaved upwards as her throat tightened, "I'm sorry," She breathed. "I'm really sorry. I--"

"It's fine, I promise," He smiled again, this time showing his teeth, "Like I said, I knew my timing was way off, so you don't have to reply. I just felt like..." Yoongi trailed off, eyes dragged towards the cabin before he cleared his throat, "I needed to tell you as soon as I could before I lost the nerve and ended up regretting it."  Exhaling sharply, his laugh was short albeit humorless as he edged closer towards the door, "Well, I'm going to bed, I think I've disturbed you enough."

Sooyoung didn't even have a chance to try and amend what she said to him or even say goodnight before he slipped back inside and the silence that enveloped her now felt completely different. Huffing in malcontent, she fell back against the swinging chair, her shoulders deflating against the cushion.

"What is wrong with you, Choi Sooyoung?" She groaned into her hands, rubbing furiously at her face as a frown etched between her brows.

There was once a time Min Yoongi consumed her every waking, and sometimes non-waking, thought. And now the guy she had been crushing on indefinitely, the only guy she had ever crushed on, was confessing to her and...

And what? It felt lacklustre. It felt like she had just watched the season finale of her favorite show but the ending didn't deliver the way she expected and now she was left suspended in a space of unknowing. What next?

Pulling out her phone, she looked at her lockscreen, the display a smiling group picture of her, Jimin and Yejin all before everything happened and she faltered. The guilt started like a leaky faucet at first, dripping into her chest before spreading to her abdomen, suffocating every other thought she had. And then it started to pour and it was like the air had been kicked from her lungs.

"Hey," The voice wasn't loud, but it crackled through the silence Sooyoung had embedded herself in, making her jump. Jungkook merely stayed by the door, the margin of light spilling from the crack in the door illuminated an unreadable expression, "You were gone for a while so I thought the honorable thing to do would be to make sure you weren't mulled by a wolf. Or bees."

"Again with the bees," She snorted, relaxing back against the chair. It really was remarkable how he just seemed to materialize when she started to spiral. It didn't exactly eradicate the disorient she felt, but she was granted a moment, however brief, of refuge from her thoughts. Tucking her knees up to her chest, she exhaled slowly, closing her eyes to just relish in the peace that came with the dead of night. 

Sooyoung wasn't sure when Jungkook's presence became one of comfort rather than vexation, but it was easy to just let her façade falter. There was a certain irony in the fact that she rarely felt judged around him.

"I don't think I ever did apologize for how I treated you before," She hummed in thought, resting her chin on top of he knees, arms wrapped tight around her shins. Slyly glancing up at him without moving her head, she noticed how he hadn't moved from the door, "It was stupid of me to judge you like I did when I didn't even know you."

"It was pretty dumb," He agreed, tone soft as he folded his arms over his chest. There was a slight stammer in his steps, like he was reluctant to move away from where he was stood and move closer to her, "But it's not like we don't all do it. You were just more vocal. Way more vocal, actually. Which is a great segway into me clarifying, once again, that I don't have chlamydia." A laugh accompanied his words as he sat down on the other end of the chair swing, sunken with his feet on the decking, rocking them back and forth slightly, "So... I can't really think of any way to break the ice on the subject, but you and Yoongi, huh?"

She stilled. The moment fractured already with the slap of reality, "I guess this means I win, right?" Sooyoung's smile was wry, but it didn't reach her eyes. 

"Only if you said yes."

Ha. Funny. 

"I... Haven't said anything yet," Her smile was tight, albeit sheepish as she looked away from him, facing the stretch of veiled darkness beyond the porch, "I didn't know what to say. How fucked is that? The one guy I literally used to imagine a future wedding with doesn't only know that I exist, but he likes me, Kook. Like, he really likes me and what do I do in response? Literally nothing. I felt like the poster child for 'no thoughts, head empty,'" Groaning, she tilted her head back, her face scrunching with a shudder.

Jungkook listened with intent, hanging onto and dissecting each word with a small frown, "So, what does this mean? You don't like him anymore?" The hope that lifted his tone was born of naivety and he knew it too. The conversation he had with his sister earlier that day hitting him in the gut in that moment. Even if she didn't like Yoongi the way she thought she did, that didn't mean his chances were any better. Especially now.

"I don't know!" She exclaimed, sitting upright as she waved her hands, "And that makes me such a shitty person doesn't it? I've basically forced myself into his life for this and now that he's said it I'm the one who doesn't know how they feel?"

His hand twitched by his side, wanting to reach out and offer her some kind of consolidation, but he didn't want to overstep a boundary when it was clear she was distressed, "You can't help how you feel, Choi," He sighed, pursing his lips, "None of us can. You just have to be honest, if you sit on this for too long or give him false hope, it's just gonna screw everything up."

"I know," She mumbled, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands, "Can we just talk about something else before my head explodes?"

"I'm moving away," The words were out of his mouth before he even had a chance to grab them, "Next month."

a/n

i am stumbling in the dark rn. this was always

supposed to be be a lil crackhead story and not to be

taken seriously but i'd really love to know what i was smoking

when i came up with this.