A Story I Could NEVER tell

GUT FEELING

It had been some time since I had seen M... which wasn't completely unusual. We still exchanged text messages and little "I love you's," but it honestly seemed like he was texting me more than I was texting him.

Considering our history... the three kids he had... me bumping heads with these other women... I honestly just wanted to be done. My heart wasn't strong enough to be broken again, but who wants to have to build themselves up again and again and again if they don't have to? There had been a few times he asked me to come see him, but with me working and getting ready to move, I didn't want to miss any money. I had been so tired and drained, still grieving... I didn't really want to be around anyone.

...FACETIME CALL FROM ****

We had exchanged text messages on June 7th, 2023... then the next thing you know, he was FaceTime calling me. It looked like he was in the basement. He said he was watching a game and he asked, "You wanna come over?"

I replied, "Not tonight... I gotta work tomorrow. I can come see you another night."

He wasn't too happy about it, but he accepted it. We talked for a little while, and within our conversation, he told me a few times, "I'm gonna call you right back." I told him, "We're beefin' if you hang up this phone." So we stayed on the phone a little longer, and he told me, "Baby... I'm gonna call you back."

Considering he had been trying to rush me off the phone, I felt like a female was about to come over... go figure... So I gave in. I said, "Okay... I'll talk to you when I talk to you.
"I love you. Talk to you soon, see you soon."
I told him I loved him and I'll see him soon.
FACETIME CALL ENDED
The next day I texted him because I thought he was going to call me back that night... so I shot him a text saying "WAKE UP."
The message delivered... but no reply.
Like I said before... it's not completely crazy or unusual that we don't see each other a lot... it's not completely crazy that he doesn't reply to my calls or texts sometimes... I thought nothing of it.
Some days go by and I'm just wondering... what's going on...
One thing about me... I'm always going to mess around and find out...
So I get on social media to see what's going on... to see if he had been active on any social platforms. No activity on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat. I even checked the Citizen app... NOTHING.
I let a few days go by and thought to myself...
Maybe he's being lowkey and to himself.
I had a feeling in my stomach something was off.
I checked family members' pages and they're all looking for him as well... at this point I knew this was serious. Not to mention he looks after his grandfather and he had kids! He also told me to my face... made a promise he would never disappear on me.
At this point, it's a knot in my stomach... I know something is off.
So I had to leave it be for a few days and just wait.
I've checked all the jails... I paid for background checks... I've even been on old ex's pages.

So I knew that he called me from his grandfather's cell phone... I was nervous as hell to even call because we don't even know each other like that.
...RING...RING...RING
He answered the phone... I told him who I was and also mentioned that he may not remember me and I've been to the house a couple of times.
He said,
HOLD ON, let me give the phone to my son... I can't hear you.
The conversation between... who I'm brought to believe is an uncle or his dad... he had a few questions for me, and he had every right to... he asked who I was... how did I know M... and how did I get the number... all in all, nobody has heard anything from him.

IM STUCK AT THIS POINT AND SCARED
I remember being up at night just thinking about it constantly... and I BROKE DOWN. I sent my mom a text in the middle of the night... she didn't reply. I got out of my bed and crawled into her bed. I scared her a little bit but she saw I was crying. My mom asked, "WHAT'S WRONG?" It took me a minute to get myself together to tell her what's going on... I started off by saying, "I hate to bother you with this... I try to keep you out of my business and that you trust me as an adult... and allow me to handle things on my own... but I just CAN'T, ma." My mom replied, "Don't say that... stop saying you're bothering me... What's wrong?" I gave her the whole rundown about what's going on... from the last time we talked to everything I saw on social media... from the family and the baby mamas.
It took her a minute to process it all... like she didn't know what to tell me... Like there was a sad truth behind it. She told me when you're dealing with a guy from the streets, you have to prepare for whatever comes with his lifestyle... she asked if I had talked to any family? Have I checked the jails? Have I checked the morgues?... I told her
The type of relationship him and I had... I NEVER met his family, so I can't reach out to anyone... I had already called someone who was the closest to him... his grandfather.
She asked if I wanted to go to his grandfather's house and see... She says maybe he may be staying put up.
I communicated to my mom that I felt like he was dead.
She said, "All I can do is wait and pray that he is okay."
The only thing I had been thinking about was... the last call we had... the fact that I didn't go see him on June 7th... and me knowing the life he's living...
But shit... I have to keep myself together and just wait, I guess...