Life Rolls On

chapter thirteen

"Oh my god, guys." I exclaim as we pull into my driveway.

"What?!" They both jump in unison. They've been jumpy this entire car ride, every time I try to fill the silence I feel their eyes boring into me.

I'm terrified they'll always be like this now. Scared a ball is going to drop, that I'm some fragile piece of glass.

Considering what happened tonight, I'd say I'm doing fine. I'm not crying anymore, and my shaking has pretty much subsided.

"We forgot Porter."

Sunny laughs awkwardly. "He was busy with a girl."

"Babe," I frown, and she smiles at me sadly.

"It's alright."

"Adding him to the list of people I need to beat up," Charlie tried to joke. I kiss him on the check appreciatively.

The more normalcy the better.

"I'll kick him out next time he's drunk." I chime in.

She stops the car wordlessly, pulling the key out of the ignition.

They wait for me to make the first move, so I get out of the car, and they quickly jumped to my side.

"Guys please, I'm fine," I laugh, doing a full circle. "Everything still works."

"You're not fine Lav, you just got fucking sexually assaulted." Charlie deadpans, and we both stare at him.

Someone's not fine.

"I'm gonna go inside..." Sunny trails, leaving us in a cold silence.

"Charlie, I'm actually okay." I tell him, sitting down on the front lawn.

I pick little pieces of grass out of the ground and rip them into little pieces as he sits next to me, his leg brushing mine.

"None of this is okay," He murmurs.

Please don't do this.

"It's kinda funny, our lives have been crazy in the last few weeks." I deflect out of habit, uncomfortable with the tension drifting between us.

I would do it all the time when I was little. My parents were very ADHD and it always worked.

"Don't change the subject Lav, you need to talk this through." He says directly, but there's a comforting tone in his voice.

Deflecting never worked with Charlie.

"Says who? I'm telling you I'm fine." I tell him stubbornly, getting ready to get up.

He puts his hand on my leg, stopping my motion. I look in his eyes, holding sadness in them.

"I'm telling you you're not. I know you. It's eating you up and you're ignoring it. The longer you do this, the more it's going to hurt. You're safe with me, just talk to me."

My eyes well up, and I desperately try to blink them away, looking down at the grass again.

I need to pay Porter to cut my grass again.

Stop deflecting.

"Baby please," His voice breaks, and all my attempts to be okay disappear.

He pulls me into a tight hug, and I bury my face into his hair as I start to cry.

Not a cute cry either. Heart wrenching, breath taking sobs.

"I'm here." He whispers, over and over as his grip doesn't waver.

All the feelings I was holding down come back up. The sadness, the guilt, the fear, the regrets. The anger. Most of all, the weakness.

"If I didn't wear that dress maybe he wouldn't have even noticed me."

"Don't do that."

"If one thing has just been different it wouldn't have happened."

"Don't say that Lav."

"It's probably my fault-" I keep rambling until he cuts me off.

Pulling away, he pushes my hair out of my cheeks that was stuck to my tears. He then wipes the water off from under my eyes gently, looking at me with more love than I have ever seen anyone look at someone with.

"None of this is your fault, do you hear me?" He cups my face with a stern tone. I nod, but he looks at me doubtfully. "Say it."

"It's not my fault." I answer lamely. I don't believe it. He's never done this to another girl, so it must've been something I did.

It had to be my fault.

"Say it again."

"It's not my fault." I muster a little more strength this time.

"Louder."

"It's not my fault!"

"Scream it," He says with a proud smile.

"It's not my fucking fault." I let out, and I swear birds flew out of the tree from my shriek.

"That's my girl. Now let's go inside." He helps me up, throwing an arm around me as we walk in.

The house was quiet, Sunny sleeping in the room that she's claimed.

Charlie grabs a water bottle from the fridge and walks me to the bathroom. I sit on the counter as he grabs my makeup remover, wiping all the excess off of my face. He lays a kiss on my lips, unzipping my dress and handing me my most comfortable hoodie.

"When did you grab this?" I ask lovingly, shrugging out of the tight dress and slipping on my favorite piece of fabric.

He doesn't even look away from my eyes as I'm exposed, which I genuinely appreciate in this moment.

It's purely innocent.

"I teleported obviously." He rolls his eyes, stepping between my legs and tying my hair up.

"Oh obviously," I give him a cheesy grin, and he smiles widely.

"I love you so much." He hugs me again.

"I love you more." I remind him over his shoulder, running my hands through his hair.

"You could never."

"I could and I do."

"Good joke." He pulls back, kissing my forehead and helping me down.

We get to my room, and he turns on my lights and TV.

Putting on a stupid disney movie, he pulls me close to him.

For the first time tonight, I feel safe.

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