Buck's Baby (By Accident)

Beginnings

Aidan's condition continued to improve after the extubation. Buck spent the next day at his bedside, watching as the baby gradually became more alert and active. There had been a minor mishap when he'd pulled out his NG tube but the doctors had reassured but that this was a good sign, that he was improving enough to be bothered by it. They agreed that they'd trial a feel without the tube which Buck was very excited for. If Aidan could feel and breathe without help, he'd be able to go home and they could finally put this horrible chapter of their lives behind them.

Buck hadn't yet talked to Eddie about how he'd been feeling. He'd meant to once they'd gotten home after Aidan's breathing tube came out but both men had been riding on such a high after the success of the day that Buck didn't want to ruin it by bringing his complicated emotions into play. Eddie had unfortunately noticed that Buck seemed to be holding back on him and Buck now found himself in Eddie's dining room, two days later, sitting across from the older man has he looked at him expectantly.

"Are you going to tell me what's been going on?" Eddie asked, linking his fingers and resting his hands on the table.

"What do you mean?" Buck queried, his attempts at acting clueless failing completely.

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "I mean would you care to tell me why you've seemed a bit hesitant lately? Initially I thought it might be because you were worried about Aidan but even after yesterday you've not been as – I don't know – affectionate with me?"

Buck sighed. "I don't know, Ed, I guess I've just been a little worried".

"Worried about what?" Eddie asked his eyebrows furrowing.

"I dunno man, I just – it's been a hard week and I've had a lot of time to think".

"You thinking is always dangerous" Eddie replied with a smirk which quickly dropped off his face when Buck didn't smile in return. "Thinking about what, Buck?"

Buck let out a low groan and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. "I've been thinking about what you said after we kissed".

Eddie looked surprised. "Still?" he asked incredulously. "Buck, that was over a month ago!"

"I know, I know!" Buck replied, twisting in his seat. "I guess it's just been bothering me more lately because I was – ugh this is so stupid – I was worried that you'd leave me because I'd been in hospital so much with Aidan and you'd start wondering if this was a mistake again".

It was silent for a moment as Eddie, dumbfounded, tried to think of what to say. "Did what I said really affect you that much?" he finally asked, guilt creeping into his voice.

"I guess so" Buck replied with a sigh. "I've just – I've never really had anyone in my life stick around for a long period of time and I'm so used to people dipping out after a few years when they've decided they've had enough. Bobby thinks I've got abandonment issues".

"And you thought I'd leave you too?" Eddie asked, the gravity of what Buck was saying finally sinking in. When he'd told Buck that their kiss had been a mistake, it had been said in the heat of the moment without Eddie properly thinking about the repercussions. He'd been so intent on protecting himself, protecting Christopher, that he hadn't considered Buck's past and how much saying something like that would damage the man. Immediately Eddie felt like absolute shit, realising the anguish he'd probably caused the young man.

Buck nodded, not meeting Eddie's eye. "Yeah, kind of. I know you apologised when we in Bobby's office but it's taking me a second to get past it. I'm just worried that you're going to come to your senses or something".

Eddie reached across the table and took one of Buck's hands, gripping it tightly.

"Buck, listen to me" he said, looking intently at the blond. "I am so so sorry that I said we were a mistake. I honestly didn't realise how much it hurt you. I was just scared of losing you and of confusing Christopher, but this last month where we've been letting things happen has been one of the best I've had in a long time. I promise, and please believe me when I say this, that you are not a mistake. You might actually be one of the best things that's happened to me".