Buck's Baby (By Accident)

Devotion

Thank God for Dr. Copeland. That's really all Buck could think. True to his word, Buck had been back in therapy a week after Taylor's death and the first session had been extremely helpful, if not tiring. When she'd asked what had been going on, Buck had laughed a little nervously before talking almost non-stop for half an hour. He hadn't seen her since before Aidan came into his life and there was an awful lot to catch up on. Dr. Copeland's eyebrows had taken up residence in her hairline by the time he was finishing, having slowly migrated there somewhere between Buck explaining Aidan's illness and his newfound relationship with Eddie. She'd regarded him carefully as he told her everything about Taylor's death, putting down her pencil and paper and watching him over the rims of her glasses.

"I think we're going to need a few more sessions together to work through all this, don't you?" she'd remarked wryly once he'd finally finished.

Buck had let out a snort. "That's for sure" he'd agreed.

So, they'd been catching up twice a week since then and now, 2 weeks and 4 sessions later, Buck was feeling significantly better. He no longer felt as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Dr. Copeland had very helpfully reminded him that Taylor's death did in fact change nothing. Aidan was still a baby and would have no memory of his mother. She'd gone so far as to point out that Buck now had complete control of the narrative now. He could tell Aidan as much or as little about his mother and that was entirely up to him. Ellen's appearance in their lives wasn't a hurdle he needed to overcome, he would be able to navigate it with grace and ease as he had control over who got to see his son and when. And that was the crux of all this really.

Control.

Buck had never been one to feel as though he needed to constantly be in control over the events in his life. He'd usually been pretty content to go with the flow and take life as it came. He was certainly happy enough for Eddie to take control, both with their family life and in the bedroom, but Dr. Copeland had pointed out how much Buck squirmed when it came to anyone else being in control. He'd spent the first 18 years of his life being controlled by parents that did everything in their power to make Buck feel unwanted and then had spent the subsequent 14 years rebelling against anyone else that tried to make a decision for him. He'd relished the control he'd had without even really realising it and it was only when that control was taken from him in the form of a small, helpless baby on his doorstep, did Buck realise that yeah, he really fucking loved being in control. He'd spent the last 8 months (almost 9, what the hell) feeling as though Taylor had taken that control from him and her death was the straw that broke the camel's back. He'd felt as though Taylor had taken his ability to control what he was going to tell his son and when. Dr. Copeland had helped him see that that it was, in fact, the exact opposite.

With this now solidified in his mind, Buck felt so much more at ease. So much so that he caught himself humming a happy tune as he unlocked the front door after his most recent session, shucking off his jacket and boots and waltzing through the house to find Eddie.

"Someone's in a good mood. Session went well?" Eddie asked as Buck sashayed into the kitchen. Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him against his chest.

"Very well. Dr. Copeland thinks I'm making some good progress".

"Glad to hear it" Eddie replied, twisting to kiss Buck's neck. "And how to you feel?"

Buck let out a contented sigh and dropped his head, his chin resting on Eddie's shoulder. "I feel good, Ed. Dr. Copeland is helping me take control again. Or helping me see I'm in control. One of them."

"Control, hmm?" Eddie turned in Buck's arms pressing another kiss against his neck. "Thought you liked it when I was in control?". Buck let out a quiet moan as Eddie kissed the hollow of his throat, sucking the sensitive skin and nipping at it lightly.