All these years

First memory

You know that explicit moment when people begin to complain about their lives , you definitely have no clue on what the actual matter is , you can't pin down what that person has gone through, the struggles , the pain, the depressed moments, all those sleepless nights and almost-like migraine  headaches due to over thinking and staring into space , these little disturbing aspect that finds it's way into a person's life and transforms those set of people into the monster that you presently see on the outside .

Most serial killers dont just wake up and decide they want to be murders , they dont just stumble on a weapon and be like 'oh this looks so good soaked in blood'; No!..

What many dont realize is that theres always a reason,   something triggers something else for a moment to occur ; hope you get the point.

Sometimes we seek attention , we seek adventure , we want more out of life , sometimes we believe we deserve more than we are getting from the life we are living .

You know that feeling of when you just sit , stare and probably glare into atom space , Nothing is going well for you , your life seems messed up , confusion in the air, you can't realise the person you were, are or turning into and the only thing that seems right to your thinking at that moment is suicide .

My first memory on my life was when I was five standing at the corridor of our house my mum and dad yelling at each other and all I can do is stare ;my elder siblings crying and begging but I had no clue on what is going on
My mum went into the kitchen and carried a knife used to threaten my dad and went into her room packed her bag and dragged me along .
I was confused because she just came out dragged me and went to the gate ,my dad stopped her and told her to leave me that if she wants to leave she should leave on her own she didn't say anything and let on her own .
I went inside and asked my sibling what happened and they told me to sleep that I can't understand And I did as I was told I slept but now I understand what happened that day and that was the day my life as a broken girl started and oh it became more worst as I grew up that I started question God why did he bring me here if I came to suffer.

Ok so if you if you have any questions ask in the comment section and also please if you self harm don't do it darling your skin is to delicate to give yourself such wounds and I understand the pain you are going through it's incomparable and maybe if you read my story you can learn a few stuff on how to channel all those pain and anger you feel toward the person or yourself 🥺💕.
Believe in yourself everything will be alright
Xoxo🤍.