I think I self harm. I didn't even realize that I do until recently.
That's mostly because instead of using knives to cut myself, I scratch myself. My whole arm turns red, I stop when it feels like it's about to bleed, and I don't have to hide it because my mom doesn't even bat an eye.
It's used to be a nervous habit that was relatively harmless but as my anxiety increased, it was more painful.
It's like I'm trying to scratch away the embarrassment and fear but all of it's just one itch that I can't seem to get rid of.
Stuff from years and years ago still haunts me, it could just be something embarrassing I said, but holy fuck, you better believe I'll have a whole mental breakdown about it.
There's a part of me that thinks maybe the pain means it's working, after all I deserve it, I'm a fucking mess.
My mom literally threatened to kill herself if I kept being 'mean' to her, which resulted in me having a panic attack. I can't even have the correct reaction to anything, I always overthink.
I'm always overwhelmed
I stress out my mom.
I can't do anything right.
Wow I'm such a good fucking daughter, aren't I?
Anyways my mom really stressed me out earlier and now I'm tired, but at least I'm going back to school tomorrow.
I can't wait to get out of here.
