After a long ass time of driving we finally arrived, or well I assumed we did. The vehicle had stopped, my phone died ages ago, and that was probably my last time using it. I was lead out of the vehicle, then I was walked towards the rookie bunks. Leaving me alone? Or with someone? If it was with someone then that wouldn't be good, probably would get my ass beat for running my mouth.
After being lead to my room I found I had it alone, that's nice I guess...soap told me the run down of my schedule,
Training
Training
Lunch
Cleaning duty
Break
Training
Paperwork
...
What. The. Fuck, that's more work I have to do than when I had three jobs!! Why so much training?! God I wanted to rage, scram at soap for the unfairness, that I didn't even agree to any of this shit. That it was thrown in my face and I just had to agree. But I kept my mouth firmly shut, nodding stiffly to what soap had to say. When I was finally left alone I just stared at a wall
⚠️TW: SELF HARM⚠️
I never had a bigger urge to cut myself than the urge I have to right now, maybe I should give in. Dig in the sharpness of a blade into my skin, cut up my body till I'm unrecognizable. I stared at my bag, knowing exactly what pocket u had hidden a few of my sharpest blades. Knowing exactly how much time I had to settle in before chores were expected of me, the urge was too much.
Grabbing my bag i unzipped the pocket and pulled out a simple looking mint tin, opening it revealed all my blades. Specifically knives, grabbing my most sharp I tugged my pants down sharply. Flicking the blade open I didn't give myself mercy, piercing the tip into my skin I swipe away quickly. A thin line of red quickly appearing, blood rushing up and leaving red droplets against my pale skin. I repeated the motions several times till I had to physically stop myself.
Staring at the bloodied mess of my thigh I exhale shakily, I was screwed. I can't do this in the Air Force, i cleaned myself up and bandaged the wounds. They weren't too deep so I didn't have to worry, pulling my pants back up I remained unfazed. I stopped feeling the after affect of pain ages ago.
God sometimes i wanted to rip my skin off .
Soap came knocking at my door, telling me it was time to start my training. And that I couldn't be given a full day to settle in because my schedule is being rushed. I sighed and dressed into a uniform i was given previously before hand, lacing up the boots I exited the room
"Well I'm dressed" I crossed my arms
Soap lead me to outside, the dirt covered ground bright in the rising sun. I was walked to a line of other recruits, we began the training, in which I quickly found out I sucked at. Except well climbing, I guess that was the only thing I was good at. I managed to make it through though, I was walked back to my room. I hardly talked to anyone because well what was I supposed to say?
Laying in the uncomfortable bed I stared at the ceiling, plain grey concrete. This whole room was bare, the mattress was like someone threw cardboard on bricks and called it a day. Almost worst than my old room back at home. Well if I didn't have to deal with my parents beatings and screaming I suppose it was fine...
My eyes wandered back to my bag pocket, where I had put back my little blade kit....i could slit my throat right now...bleed out...
Now's not the time.
