The Living Hell of IKEA

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Dear M

Lighten up a little on the home front. You're a teenager and you should enjoy the freedom of those years. Hang out with your friends and talk about whatever is important to teenagers these days. Go out with Toph.

When I was your age, I was so excited about the future and what the world offered. I felt I was just beginning to discover myself and how to express my feelings through my painting, and the possibilities were endless. Don't you feel that way too?

Yes, the weather has been diabolical. You have to have something to do inside in England when it's bucketing down. There are always projects to be done in our old house. It is a 200-year-old survivor of a country estate that Barratt boxes have erased. At the moment, I'm replacing rotten floorboards. All my tools are in a small shed and I work on other projects in there. That's the only indoor space I dream of having – a workshop where I could practise more carpentry. I'd like to get better at making furniture and progress beyond bookshelves, desks and coffee tables. I really hate having to buy furniture that I know I could make if I had the space. My wife dragged me to IKEA once, and walking around there with crowds of people was my idea of a living hell.

I'd also like to have a dog. They make you go out whatever the weather!

D

P.S. If you give me the signed, completed St Hibbert's application, I'll write about why I stopped painting.

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