21 questions: waterparks
Tsukkishima has never been good at feeling things, let alone expressing those feelings in a healthy way. He was, however, very good at thinking, overthinking that is.
Ever since he had realized his feelings for you, his life had been a miserable loop of him trying to either ignore those feelings or at the very least trying to ignore how watching you continue to live your life without being his was making him feel.
I wanna give you space
With trying to ignore the aforementioned things though came an unavoidable amount of space between the two of you. Granted, you two were never exactly close, but you were always there. Lingering around somewhere with your brother, since you were never too far from him (and he was never too far from Tsukishima).
Recently though, Tsukishima found himself exiting the classroom just as you were walking in, or standing up from your usual lunch table, throwing away his half-eaten bento claiming that he was finished, and needed to get to class. He, in fact, did not need to get to class, and he was still very hungry.
He could survive one practice hungry though if it meant he didn't have to feel the icky feeling he felt in his chest every time he remembered he was nothing but your brother's best friend to you, and especially if it meant he didn't have to unpack if he even wanted you to see him as something more.
But the amount between us is wrecking me
While all of that worked for maybe a week or so, at it's core what he felt for you was a crush, and crushes mean you want to see that person, talk and joke with them, any sort of interaction. Which is exactly what Tsukishima was craving.
He couldn't help the fact that he missed you, and he couldn't help that missing you led to sleepless nights (he was up all night thinking about this crush he had suddenly manifested.
But then what?
Those sleepless nights were horrid actually. It was hour after hour of him mulling over the details of this situation, his brain felt like a broken record.
How would he tell you?
Would he ever tell you?
Did he even deserve to like you after being so mean?
Why does this crush make him so unhappy with himself?
Wasn't it a good thing?
Is he just trying to maintain some kind of act by acting like it doesn't exist?
Tsukishima decided he'd put a pin in that last question.
The school days following these nights were just as bad as the night itself. Trying to listen and pay attention in class was suddenly the hardest thing he'd ever done in his entire life, and just trying to tolerate his fellow classmates made him want to drop out altogether.
The bags under his eyes and overall "out of it" demeanor didn't go unnoticed though, because when he came into class today, there was a neatly wrapped box left on the seat of his desk.
Not on the desk, that would've drawn too much attention. Immediately he could tell you left this, only you or Tadashi would think to do that, and he'd been with Tadashi all morning in the gym. Upon further inspection, Tsukishima found that the box was actually a bento, with a wonderfully written note on the top that read "You haven't been eating enough at lunch, it's important to fuel your body." with the tiniest smiley face next to the last word.
Oh god.
It's everything I wanted,
This was good, right? You were paying attention to him, you were helping him and worrying about him, which is all good news to someone who has a fat-ass crush on you. Right?
But then what?
Tsukishima couldn't help but let all the thoughts from the previous night flood his mind. He was suddenly hit with an overwhelming wave of guilt. He'd been through this once before when he realized he was never anything but mean to the sweetest girl he knew (you, obviously), but now he had to go through it all again because he'd been trying to avoid you. What was he thinking? Tsukishima doesn't think he was thinking.
Would you get tired of my time?
But now what? Does he just go back to being around you like nothing happened?
Walking home from school that day was rough. He had long dropped you and Tadashi off at your door, and was nearing his own. It was all he could do just to breathe, his thoughts were so clouded over this silly little crush.
This is exactly why he had tried to avoid it. His brain is a curse, and all he knows how to do is overthink every single possibility ever, and it leaves him crippled with anxiety, guilt, and fear.
It was so out of character for him, he thought, as he fell onto his bed. His mind was reeling, and he couldn't seem to draw it back in. At some point, he gave up, and let his brain run wild with everything that could go wrong in this situation. Every way he could mess everything up, or how you could react, how he would even swallow his pride and get through this.
Incoming call: Y/N Tadashi
