All for Myself {dallyboy}

The Rumble

{Johnny's POV}

I ran into the kitchen to escape whatever Pony was gonna throw at me. I could tell him and Dally had at least something goin' on, the way they looked at each other, held eye contact, pursed their lips... a gay guy can always recognize another.

Pony knows about me, and I know about him. We were real close, and that church trip I think made us even closer, until he got in the way.

Me and Pony had messed around a little but we both realized early on that we did not like each other, not like that. I loved being his friend, nothing more, nothing less. Besides, I was talking to my own guy for a little now...

Bryon was such a great guy. Sweet, kind, funny, real funny. Very affectionate. And he was a good kisser.

Anyways, I finished pouring the Pepsi and Root Beer into the glasses and made my way back to the living room.

"here ya' are..." I said, careful not to let anything slip off the top of the glass.

"Thanks Johnnycake."

We both sat down on the couch, Pony flipped through the few channels before the Midnight Special came on channel 6.

"Ooh it's just starting! I wonder who's on tonight..."

"Dang, It's really that late? They didn't even leave that long ago." Pony sipped his root beer after speaking. I looked at him a little funny. Pony is a real trooper. For a guy to go through so much over and over and still get back on his feet time and time again. Even though he was younger than me by a year, I still looked up to him.

"Pone... can I ask ya' something?"

"Shoot."

"How, how do you.. I don't know. You're so brave. If I had gone through- that.." I chose my words carefully. "I- I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Your just so strong, man. I really, I don't know... I look up to you."

He sat with his elbows on his knees, facing me. I could see him get teary eyed as he looked to the ground.

"I don't know either, man." I saw a tear fall to the wood floor.

"Hey, i'm sorry-" I brought my hand to his back and started to pat.

"It's just- I don't want to burden people with.. me. I couldn't bear seeing Soda or Darry or any of you guys do all that for me- I do hurt, all the time, but I need to keep a straight face because I can't lose y'all. Not now-"

"Pony... you can't really believe that can you? You   mean more to us than anything. You're all our baby brother." I put my arm on his shoulder as silent tears slipped out.

"I really thought he loved me." We were about to talk about it.

"I even said so. I told him, 'if you love me, you wont do this to me.' but he wouldn't listen. He never listens." The tears subsided, and he was left looking empty at the TV. Redbone was singing 'Come and Get Your Love.'

"Pony, that fucker is probably getting his head pounded right now. He'll have a hard time even being seen near this part of town. Nothings gonna hurt you anymore, me'n the boys will make sure of it."

"I really love you guys. But- after this, no more. Talking about it, you know. I just cant do it anymore. I want to, I need to get over it."

I nodded and gave a half hearted smirk.

"Well i'll let it be then."

Pony returned the smirk.

"I finished my Root Beer, would you might getting me another?" He said, jokingly pouting.