Urgent

Chapter 17

I don't know what I'm doing, except that I'm not eating lunch. I don't know how exactly, but I have lost my appetite after the whole incident with Edward. It's not only that - but butter knives just like the one which stabbed his eye, could be found everywhere in the dining room. I have trauma from it, so instead of eating lunch with everyone else, I'm sitting by myself in an empty hall doing nothing. 

Well, not nothing. I have been staring at the wall for the past hour, perhaps a little longer. I am fully aware how insane I look, but I honestly couldn't care less. I will never be able to see a butter knife again - not without being reminded of Edward, whom I would rather not. In a way, I'm glad that he left. I don't think I could handle seeing him every day. 

It's hard enough having to look at his empty bunk. 

'Ari?' 

I am snapped out of my trance, and I look away from the spot in the wall and to Uriah, the Dauntless initiate who had complimented me after Capture-The-Flag. I should be embarrassed since he caught me staring at the wall like a weirdo - but as I mentioned before, I don't care. Not until I see him waving along multiple other Dauntless-born initiates which is when I turn a deep red, which matches the color of my hair precisely. 

'You okay?' he says. 

'Totally,' I say, 'it's not like someone was stabbed in my dormitory, because that isn't traumatizing in the slightest.' Uriah looks confused - like Will had. He doesn't know how to react. You and me both. 

'Yeah,' he finally said, 'I heard about that guy, Edward.' Uriah looks down the hallway. The Dauntless-born initiates disappear around a corner. Then he grins a little. 'Want to get out of here?' 

I consider his suggestion. I definitely want to leave - perhaps never come back, but that's not an option. This will have to do for the time being. I just need a few minutes away - I hope my friends won't mind though. I have already told them I won't be joining them, so at least they won't be waiting for me. 

'Okay,' I say, pushing myself to my feet. 'Are we going somewhere fun?' At this point, I don't really care - but I could do with some fun. I need to forget, and Uriah seems like the perfect distraction. 

'It's an initiation ritual,' he says, as he begins to jog, running after his fellow Dauntless-born initiates. 'The only initiates they usually let come are ones with older siblings in Dauntless,' he says. 'But they might not even notice. Just act like you belong.' 

That should be easy. Or not. I have a way of standing out, whether I like it or not. I have seriously considering dying my hair - changing it to a different, less bright shade. Something which wouldn't make me stand out. 

'Will this be dangerous?' I ask, smiling. It's been a while since I have smiled - but I like the idea of doing something scary. I really don't care if I almost die. I don't care if I die at this point. It will be a relief from all this stress. 

'We're the Dauntless,' says Uriah. 

When we catch up with the Dauntless initiates, not all of them are happy with my presence. Most of them aren't happy, and I don't blame them. I'm kind of annoying. 

'What's the Stiff doing here?' asks a boy. He has a metal ring between his nostrils. It looks cool. I would never pierce my nose - but it doesn't look terrible on him. 

'She just saw that guy get stabbed in the eye, Gabe,' says Uriah. 'Give her a break, okay?' 

Gabe shrugs his shoulders before turning away. No one else says anything, but I can see them looking at me. They're sizing me up. Typical Dauntless behavior. They don't seem to find anything wrong with me - at least not yet. I am a very flawed person.