Shameless Season 1

Frank The Plank

[gallagher house]

[olivia and ian walk towards the living room with burgers]

ian: Burgers comin' through!

fiona: Uh, Lip, napkins.

karen: I can get it. 

Lip: Oh, no, no, no, you sit.

steve: Only ketchup? 

debbie: Me! Thank you.

steve: Extra onions, jalapenos.

olivia: [taking the burger] Me!

kev and v: [coming in] Make room.

veronica: Ah-ah-ah!..After you finish your shake and fries. Who's this?

LIP: It's Karen.

[olivia then sits beside ian on the chair who smile at one another] 

veronica: Hey, Karen, Nice top.

veronica: What size are you? 

fiona: Shh! Shut up!

TV NARRATOR: ...on a spot called Mr. Magoo, the sacred family fishing grounds that paid off last season. But now......it's a bust..We have no crab onboard. Finish him!...been fishing for 36 hours and haven't made a frickin' dime yet.We're getting, like, 150 crab...

[the door slams and everyone turns and sees Frank walk in with a bloody nose]

olivia: Whoa!

steve: You okay, Frank?

IAN: [getting up] Hey. Is that my shirt?

(TV show continues)

frank: Yeah.

ian: I-I'm just asking.

[ian then slowly backs away from Frank who headbutts ian in the face and olivia rushes towards him helping him]

STEVE: Whoa!

FRANK: Guy in the bar said to pass it on.

olivia: [getting tissue on ian's nose] What the fuck is wrong with you, Frank! 

FIONA: Jesus Christ, Dad!

STEVE: You're drunk, Frank, you're drunk! 

Frank: This-this is drunk?

FIONA: Stop it, okay, Steve? 

FRANK: You want to see drunk?

STEVE: Don't do this to your kids, Frank.

Frank: Aw, what are you, a tough guy, Steve? You think you're a fuck'n tough guy?
Because you look like a premenstrual Filipino!

fiona: [rushing over to him] Steve, go! Get out! Hey, just go.

[fiona then gets in between frank and steve]

frank: He's shitting his pants. pussy. 

steve: You're pathetic, Frank.

fiona: Get out now! I mean it! Come on.

Frank: Don't go. Come on. Puss, puss, puss, puss. What? You want to say something, pussy? Mr. Joe fucking... Ah, get the... pussy.

(TV continues playing)

olivia: Ice.

frank: It's a bloody nose. He's not dying. 

veronica: Really, Frank?

frank: Anybody notice that I'm bleeding?

(over TV): ...over the Bering Sea, a 200-square-mile arctic squall collides with the grounds, and fishing...

[olivia then rolls her eyes as she helps ian with his bloody nose and helps him upstairs]


[later]

[lip, olivia and ian are upstairs in his room while lip prepares a joint]

olivia: You should have hit him back.

ian: If I ever do, I'll fuck' kill him.

lip: So? Eight to ten for manslaughter. Get laid as often as you want. Tattoos and everything. It's gay heaven, man.

[lip then hands the joint to olivia who gives it to Ian and lights it for him taking a puff then hands it to olivia who does the same and she hands it to Lip]

lip: Thanks.

[next day]

[olivia is at home and comes out of the shower getting changed and notices her mother who is hung over]