𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 ✔

Chapter Forty-Five

"T-Thomas!" I shuddered, "Everyone can see us."

"And?" He tickled my neck with his nose, "Are you afraid Henry will see?"

"Henry?" I hesitated, wondering if Thomas knew about my hidden feelings too, "N-no, I just don't want-"

"These people and their opinions matter not, only what I think of you does." He gently blew air onto my earlobe, almost making me lose my step. How he expected me to dance while he tormented me, I wasn't sure, but he continued on without a care in the world. "And I think you are the most beautiful woman in the room. One I am dying to taste again."

"Please. . ." I breathed, trying to fight off his warmth, but the wine that numbed me told me to give in. "Think of your mother's politics." I said the first thing that came to mind, "If you profess your partiality towards me so publicly, it will surely cause her issues."

He paused for a moment, then sighed, "I suppose you are correct. But," He dipped me backwards, then got so close to my face with his that our lips almost touched, "that does not make me want to devour you any less."

I stared into his blue eyes unable to speak. My heart throbbed in my ears as it tried to pound its way out of my chest. He pulled me back up and pressed me against him tightly, "After we return to the palace, I shall send for you."

He bowed to me, and I curtsied to him to conclude our dance, "And if I refuse?"

He stepped closer and whispered, "You cannot."

I swallowed hard, terrified and somewhat enthralled by the idea. Though, I knew that was the wine's doing.

"Until then." He grabbed my hand and kissed it, while staring up at me longingly. Then, after a long moment, he released my hand and disappeared into the many bodies surrounding us.

"Why now?" I wondered, gripping the skirt of my dress with my violently shaking hands as I tried to catch my breath, "Why did he choose to be so affectionate now after I have already set my heart on Henry?" I was frustrated with him, myself, and even Henry.

Thomas for how fickle and confusing he could be. Henry, because he had not once confirmed to me whether or not he wanted me yet continued to show up every single time I tried to move on, forcing me to yearn for him ever the more. And myself for allowing those two men to worm their way into my heart and rip me apart from the inside out as I tried to choose between them. Between the security of pursuing Thomas and the undeniable love that continued to grow for Henry.

Duty called to choose Thomas. My Queen demanded it and my need for freedom begged it of me. But my heart called out for Henry, as did my inescapable want to be loved. One was a safe choice, even if it were forced upon me, and the other was a heavy risk that would have had long-lasting consequences. However, neither of them was guaranteed either, at least not yet.

I could have resigned and waited for Henry to come to me if he so wished, but then the queen would have punished me for breaking our agreement, and what would have become of Henry if Thomas chose Castellana? What would have become of me if Henry did not come?

It was hot. I was hot. So hot that my tongue had started to sweat. I fanned myself as I looked for an exit. I needed fresh air, not the stuffy suffocating air that everyone in the room passed back and forth like a glass of wine. I tried to hide my shallow breaths as the room grew smaller and smaller the closer I got to the glass doors that led out into the back gardens.

"I am almost there." I pulled at the jade necklace around my throat, "Hold it in, hold it in."

The moment the doors shut behind me I broke down into a cacophony of sharp breaths, nearly choking on the cool night air as I fought the urge to cry.