Watch Me Drown

23. Tests

(Julien's point of view)

Phoebe and Lucy ended up coming over the next day. We needed to tell Abby about tour, then discuss what to do about the video, which was causing internet chaos. Lucy got to our apartment first. It was only a few minutes after that Phoebe arrived, Starbucks and Maxine in hand. Me and the boys had discussed what we were going to ask Abby. Well, beg Abby to do.

We were going to talk to her about getting tests done.

Phoebe was the one to bring it up. I guess she still stood by her argument from weeks before. Lucy agreed that we should talk to her about it. She knew how much it affected us. She knew how bad it had gotten. I was the one to confirm that we were going to do it. I knew Abby better than anyone did. I'd know if it was the right time and place to ask her, and I did know. I knew that it was okay.

So when we were all situated at the counter, drinks and food being consumed, I decided that it was time. I looked around at them. Phoebe was standing beside me, across the counter from Abby and Lucy, who were sitting. I caught Phoebe's eye. My eyes must have been questioning because she gave me a reassuring nod. It was like she was telling me "You got this, dude" in her laid back Phoebe way.

"Alright." I said, setting my ice coffee on the cool stone. "We have something to tell you, Abby."

She looked up from her breakfast sandwich, an anxious look on her face. "What is it?"

"We..." I looked to Phoebe again. She could do it.

"We're going back on tour," Phoebe told Abby. "In the fall."

"Really?" Abby asked, and we nodded. "That's great, guys! Everyone is gonna be so excited!"

Oh, Jesus. She was happy for us. She didn't express any sadness about us leaving. I could see that her smile was sort of forced, but a lot of it was genuine. That was going to make asking her even harder. I felt like we were crushing her happiness, even if getting answers would be exceptionally helpful. I knew that she would despise getting tests. She would be so uncomfortable...and scared...and anxious...

"It is pretty awesome." Lucy said, jolting me from my thoughts. "But there's more to it."

"We want you to come with us." I said.

"Seriously?!" Abby exclaimed.

We all nodded again.

"Of course I'll come!" She said, so happy.

She hugged Lucy, then got up and hugged me and Phoebe. I had kind of forgotten about the rest of the plan. We were all smiling and laughing as she hugged us. It was enough to make a dude dismiss the bad stuff. For a minute, as Abby stuck around in just my arms, I could picture it so clearly. All the adventures we would go on. The shows where Abby was somewhere in the venue, watching and cheering us on. The long train rides that would be significantly less boring with her. Dancing to the openers with her.

Those ideas came crashing down when I was once again pulled from my thoughts, this time by Phoebe. I kept my arms around Abby. I wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"There's also more to that." Phoebe said.

"Yeah?" Abby questioned.

I decided to ask. I could make it go exactly how I wanted. Who knew what Phoebe would have said? Who knew how Lucy would have worded it? I loved them, but I needed to do this.

"Abby," I explained softly. "The first show back is September 25th. We have a little less than a month before we go. In that time...we want you to get tests done. To figure out what's going on, why you've gotten sick, and what you've gotten sick with. If we know what's wrong we'll know how to help you. If we can help you, your health will be more stable, which is necessary if you're coming with us."

Abby pulled back from me slightly. She didn't move her arms from my torso, just lifted her head from my shoulder. She had a questioning look on her face. She looked at each of us, and deep in that expression, there was some understanding. She inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Okay." She said simply.

"What?" Lucy said.

"I'll do it." Abby nodded.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said, and pulled her back into my embrace.

Lucy got up and hugged us, then Phoebe joined and exclaimed "Group hug!" which made us all laugh. I kissed Abby's head. She was going to do it. We were going to figure it out.

***

(Abby's point of view)

While Lucy and Julien made lunch, me and Phoebe took the dogs out. There was a small dog park outside of the apartments that we went to. We let Maxine and Dorothea off their leashes, and we sat on a park bench while they ran around.

We had all decided to let the leaked security footage blow over. Nobody would address it. Nobody would comment on any post about it. We would simply pretend that it wasn't happening. It didn't exist to us.

"How did you agree so fast?" Phoebe said.

"What?" I watched as Dorothea ran through a small tunnel.

"When Julien asked you to get tests done," She explained. "You didn't take much time to think about it. We expected you to need a few days."

I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head and turned to her. "Last week, me and Julien barely talked. It was like we were in an argument, but nothing happened between us. It started the night of my episode, and only got worse. We were so distant. Last night, when we found out about the video, Julien sort of broke down, and I realized how much this has affected her. After she fell asleep, I started thinking about how different things could be if we knew what was wrong. When you guys brought it up, it felt like some kind of sign that I should do testing. If I don't, it's not fair to Julien, or me, or anyone around me." 

Even though the idea of getting tests done sounded somewhat horrifying, now I wanted answers. I wanted to know what was going on with my own body! Plus, I wanted to go on tour with them. Last tour, I was so lonely. I couldn't wait for this one. It was going to be so much fun!

Every word I had told Phoebe was true. I kept picturing Julien, curled up in my arms, sobbing hysterically. It wasn't fair. Nobody should have had to watch me drown in this, her especially.

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I love referencing the title of the book in the story. This is officially the first time I've done so with this book!