Watch Me Drown

20. Nightmares

(Abby's point of view)

I hid my injury pretty well. I think that Julien was suspicious, but didn't have any guess at what was wrong. She definitely knew something was going on, yet she didn't bring it up, and I wasn't going to tell her. I knew that I was being a baby. Maybe I would tell her if it got really bad, because it surely wasn't getting better. To make matters worse, I was left handed. Julien would notice if I started using my right hand, plus it was really hard for me to switch. 

I hid it until one night. I had hid everything until one night. It was only a few days after I hurt my arm. I believe it was around two in the morning, and I was having a nightmare. A horrifying one, might I add. This time, everyone was dying. My grandmother, and then Phoebe and Lucy, then Julien, then, only after watching everyone else die brutal deaths, me. But then, in real life, I rolled over and accidentally landed on my left arm, the injured one. It woke me up. I gasped and sat up, clutching my arm to my stomach. Our bedroom was dark, besides the light of the city through the curtains.

"Abby?!" Julien said, startled.

"I'm fine." I choked out.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"I just..." I got out of bed. "I need a minute."

I left the bedroom and paced around the living room. This was the most my arm had hurt. I couldn't move my fingers.

I knew that Julien would follow me. She came out of the bedroom just a minute after I had. She watched me pace and grasp at my arm. The pacing was making me dizzy. On one turn, my head spun and I stumbled. Julien ran over and caught me in seconds.

"Abby!" She exclaimed, then lowered us to the floor. "Sit, sit, sit."

She leaned me against the couch. I pulled my legs to my chest, resting my arm in my lap. I let my head fall back onto one of the couch cushions, panting. I was starting to feel like I was going to faint.

"Abby, what the hell is going on?!" Julien asked me.

"I think...I'm gonna...pass...out." I muttered in between breaths.

"You're alright," She reassured me. I didn't have my watch on, so she pressed her fingers to my neck for a pulse.

My vision got spotty, and my hearing was a little off. I could feel my heart pounding. I think sometimes I was having heart palpitations. It got a little hard to breathe. It felt like there was a weight on my chest. The apartment suddenly felt too hot. My eyelids fluttered, but didn't close, so I zoned out. It was like that for maybe a minute or two, then my hearing and vision came back, and my heart slowed. I hadn't passed out. I had almost, but I didn't!

"Julien." I whispered.

"Abby? Hey, it's okay." She sat beside me, and put one of her hands on my shoulder, the other on my knee. "Breathe."

I took a minute to catch my breath and wait for everything to stop spinning. I lifted my head slowly, and all of a sudden my chin started to shake and my eyes filled with tears. Jesus Christ, what was going on with me?!

"Abby," Julien whispered. "Tell me what's wrong. Please. I hate seeing you cry."

That sent me over the edge. A strangled sounding sob escaped my mouth and I rested my head on my knees, humiliated. Not telling someone what was going on was sort of an effect from my childhood. I always had to keep everything to myself, simply because my parents didn't care about my problems. When I did tell them something, they would gaslight me into thinking I was doing everything wrong.

"It's just me." Julien whispered. "You can talk to me."

I lifted my head and looked at her. She wiped the tears from my cheeks, keeping eye contact with me the whole time. As she looked at me, it all seemed to click in her head.

"Are you having nightmares again?" She questioned.

I nodded.

"Oh, honey," She sighed. "Are they the normal ones? Or different?"

So I told her. I told her about who died, and how now I was dying too. I told her about the dream I'd had that night. I told her how everyone died. Then, when I got to my grandmother, I told her about the song, which led to when I tried to learn it on the piano, and when I got hurt. It was kind of hard to talk, given that I was crying the whole time, but she never interrupted me or lost interest. She would just wipe the tears off my face.

"Can I see?" She said when I was done, referring to my hand.

I nodded and she turned on the lights, keeping them dim. I placed my arm in her hands and let her look at it. It looked really bad. It was a little swollen, and bruised in a bunch of places.

"I thought it would get better." I sniffled. "I didn't realize it was serious."  

"It's not broken," She informed me. "I hurt my wrist falling too, a long time ago. It was like this, just not as bad. I'm pretty sure you just sprained it."

I felt a little relieved.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"Just wear a brace," She said. "We can run out tomorrow morning to get one. They're easy to find."

I nodded, and we hugged. She held me for a long time, long enough for Dorothea to find us. She climbed into my lap, making me and Julien laugh. When we went back to bed, we let Dorothea sleep with us. I fell asleep quickly, thanks to Julien singing "Sappho" by Frankie Cosmos, and I went the rest of the night without nightmares.

***

(Julien's point of view)

That morning, we got a brace for Abby, then decided to get breakfast somewhere. We agreed on Starbucks. When Abby ran in to get napkins, I got a text. It was from me, Phoebe, and Lucy's group chat.

"Great news, boys!" Phoebe typed. "We're hitting the road again in September!"

It was official. We were doing a fall tour. I forgot that we ever had the idea. I'd been so distracted with Abby's health. I was excited for the tour. We were even going to invite Abby to come with us this time. But I was worried. Traveling would take a toll on Abby. What if she was too sick? What if she had some sort of medical emergency during a show and I couldn't be with her? We'd made so many trips to the ER. Did we want to go to completely new hospitals? I tried to ignore my worries, even though they were strong.

"Hey," Abby got into the car, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I said.

I turned off my phone and dropped it into a cupholder. I would tell her with Phoebe and Lucy. For now, I would try not to stress about her health. We would cross that bridge when we came to it...or when we were shoved onto it.

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This is kind of a short chapter but it's important.

Not me updating two days in a row...

ITS JULIENS BIRTHDAY! 

Also, how are there twenty updates to this book, leaving out the author notes?! This book truly has changed my life for the better. I love reading all your comments, and I love writing these. I hope you are all enjoying this, despite all my cliffhangers :)